A lot to be done

             Its the holiday season  now , oh how fast it comes around . I am never ready for it . Especially this year , I have moved back home and working hard to start over . Every year I keep saying this coming year is going to be better than the last . For the past twenty year it hasn't been , with all the drama that I have gone through . Well , I can honestly say this coming year is going to be better and different ,and that is because I have totally moved and left it all behind me . I have started a new job that I hope will be the last job that I have to start over at . I hope to use this start as a foundation to build from .
                I have hard all my life , but guessing have had the unreal expectation that my life would live up to what I dreamed it should be . It is mostly my fault because I had loved in the moment and never tried to build something for the future . To honest with myself , I always thought there was time for that later , and now I find that it is later now . I just have been always been trying to recover form poor choices that I had made . You know something , moving back home is the best choice I could made .  I just found out that I may have made the right move for a change .The company I worked for lost the contract for job I was working at , so I already left and found a job and they are having to find jobs now . I already got it out of the way . But I still miss my old job and friends from work .
                 I am looking to finally enjoy a holiday season , I get to enjoy some snow on the the ground for the first time in a long time . Yes I am trying to concentrate on the positive . I so badly want things to get off to a good start . I need to be on the road in my own truck , in my place to live and doing my own thing . I will continue riding my bike weather permitting . The past few months I so enjoyed riding my bike on the back roads , it was so relaxing . I also got in good shape and lost a lot of weight . When I get my truck I can finally begin to rediscover who I am . I want to try canoeing , start camping again  , and explore Michigan like I should have when was younger .I guess I have a lot to look forward to and to do now .

A Panther's fans thoughts

                Well , moved to Michigan before football season started , mind you I was born in Michigan , and graduated from high school here . All the while they have asking me if root for the Detroit' lions , I am sorry to say that my answer was no . See I am a loyal Panthers fan , and have been from the beginning. I attended the first pep rally on the field that was to be the stadium . I have followed the thru all the ups and downs since the their beginning . Yes , I have talked junk about them when they did not do so well . but what fan don't when their team do not do well .
                  They still were my team , I followed their progress good or bad . I walked around with my chest stuck out for awhile the year we went the super bowl . I was a fan for the entire time I lived in Charlotte , I rode past the stadium countless times . I have seen the Panther statue's many time ,looking up into their growling faces . Now  that am not living there , they a having their best year ever . It saddens me that I am there to experience the excitement that area must having about the team . Oh can tell you the main reason I will always remain a fan , How many can say they been with the team since their beginning . So give me a real good reason I need to switch teams . I don't think you can give me one that I will accept . I am going to proudly follow this years super bowl run . I will enjoy it , for every year I think this year is going to the year . It looks like this is going to be the year . All can I say about it is go Panthers .
                     I can say though I did and always have followed the Wolverines seasons , no matter where I have lived . It looks like going to be a good season for them . But only game that is the most important to me , it almost the whole season to me . and that is the Ohio game . I have almost always worked with or knew a Ohio fan . We always talk junk to each other about the game all year . I have always been a fan of the Wolverines , ever since the 70's . Seeing my mother listening to the game on the radio while working in the kitchen . On the Saturday of the big game she would put out a big game day spread to munch on during the game and a even bigger one when we went to the Rose Bowl .  So yes I do follow a Michigan team . I just wanted to put that out there .

Somewhere Somehow

         It been windy and cold ,with some rain or snow here . Not much of a chance to get out on my bike . Trying to get as much rest as I can , for tonight I start my new job . Starting tonight I will be proofing to myself that , am I as good at what I do . I will be working in a world class facility for the first time . Everything I have done is sort of pretending to be good . On my first night I have got to set the bar high and maintain it .
             The weather around here lately has been such , that you don't want to spend much time out in it . Kind of lazy cloudy days . My first real winter in decades in finally on the way . They saying that it maybe a mild one . I have not been into doing all that much , this past week I found it hard to make an entry in my blog . I remembered something I read a few years ago . Write every day ,even when you have nothing to say , just write . Its the only way you will get better. Who knows one day you will find your voice . I know I have a story in me , I just to find a way to tell it . I have been through so many changes in my life . I hope the last one will be the final one .
              I have no real idea if I am reaching anyone ,but that's all right though . I do this more for me , its a way to get my brain to do some work . To from getting lazy . At times it may seem like ,I have no idea where I am going with this , it because I really have no idea . So I wonder am I the only one whom feels this way at times . Am I really the one that's stupid and ignorant . The highest I have gone is high school and the school of hard knocks . The later has not been good to me , I have really been knocked around a lot . Life has not been easy . I always seem to get through it . I am now working on my last chance . I intend on ,always putting my best foot forward . Like I always say after someone tells me to have a good day , I say I am going to make one  somehow .
           

Trying to understand my part in it

                 This week has me excited , I am starting a new chapter in my life . I start a new full time job ,that I have every intension of making my home till I am not able to work any more . This weekend a old classmate from high school , stopped by that I had not seen in thirty years . We got caught up and made plans to get together ,and just hang out , which cool . Things are beginning to come together .
                  Now on to the purpose of this blog for the next year , discovering how a sixty year old should act . See I have no idea for I never been that age before , there is no handbook , no classes to take and for goodness sake not even a test . It just happens and your expected to know how . Your expected to know all the things you need to get done , where to go to do them . See I worked in a business that you always around young people , so you tend to believe and act like your young . I know that I wm not a kid anymore , shoot every so often , my body reminds me now . So what is it I need to know , what is it I need to have . I won't join AARP because it is like an admission that you are old . Also I do not believe they totally represent its members as they wish . It's just a way to separate you from your money .
                    So what programs should I be aware of and join . What should I be doing to prepare . Most of all do I need to dig out that rocking chair and quilt and be ready to just rock away the time . Should start every conversation with "When I was your age " . How should I be . I have a tendency to feel as though I did when I first started out working . That I have a lot to learn and a lot of dues to pay to earn respect . It partly though out my life I have made many poor choices ,that have landed me in the position I am in . Having to start all over again , build a new life . I trying very hard to do the right things so that I will not repeat my past choices . Because of them it is hard to know at times if I am doing the right things . Like right now I know should taking care of a chore ,but I am waiting for it to warm up outside . I should start on it at noon and be done by dark . By all rights to should not take five hours to do , I hope .
                   So I have been harping on this blog about this for over a month . Still no input , maybe I have seen a few quotes posted on Facebook and Twitter and never have the time or pen and paper to jot them down so I can remember them when I sit down to write in my blog . That tells me I need to start carrying a note pad and pen everywhere . Then just make the time to jot stuff down , but could become annoying to those around me . See I really don't take my blog that serious . For one thing not many read it ,and I haven't made any money of it yet . Yes , I understand you only get out of it what you put into it . For the past few years when writing my posts , I have putting my all into it . Some I could have put more thought and work into , but what I do is just sit here and type into my tablet what just flows into my head . That's why its called Thoughts from the head , and for other reasons too . I look at the numbers for the hits on this its mostly an average of ten a day although there is a rare day or almost a hundred hits . So I know its not what people want read about and my thoughts do not amount to a hill of beans compared to everything that's going on in the world . I not trying to impact the thoughts of the world , I am just trying to understand my little part of the universe . So what are your thoughts I really want to know .

Me , a bike and a road

                 Yesterday was a long day for me. I went on longest bike ride I had done . Mind my bike is just common everyday comfort bike with only seven speeds . The first leg of my trip was to see how long it would take me and what the ride would be like . It turns out to be a twenty-one mile ride . I left at 8 in the mourning got there at 10:30 in the mourning . In that time I had stopped at my brothers farm and talked to his wife and mother in law for about 45 minutes . So would say its not that bad of a ride . I don't think I made bad time either. As I rode I looked out for where the road damaged on the edges , where there my be dogs , and took note of landmarks along the way .
                    One thing happens when your go on long rides is that you have plenty of time to think , and you notice things that your don't see when you are in a car. Most of all there no distractions as you ride . There is just you ,the bike and the road . How far you go and how fast you go depends on the effort you put into it . Once your out there you have no choice but to peddle on ,because its all up to you to get there . Yes while on the ride I did a lot of thinking , the funny thing is I don't recall much of what went through my head . I do though remember the ride and how I felt when was done .
                               Well once got to where my new job is , I thought what the hell I am already over twenty miles from the house I decided to go the ten miles into Battle Creek  that was an easy enough ride along a state road . when town I stopped at a couple of stores just to look around and to rest a little from the road .
                             Now start the last leg to the house easy right , now that's funny . It started of easy but the closer to the house the more effort it took to get there . The hills that I never paid much attention to kept popping up . They seemed bigger than what they actually were . The ride took more effort to get home than expected . I did it none the less , I made myself push on . I had no choice , I am on a bike and only way for the ride to end was to get the house . As I was riding , this guy on a real fast touring bike passes me like I was not moving . That caused new to renew my efforts and push on . It was a very short time after that that ended on the last turn and stretch of road . I was familiar ground again . Not that was not on the whole trip because I have rode the whole route in a car before . What I mean I was on my way to house because I was in my neighborhood , familiar ground . My effort became more determined . By the time it was all said an done I rode about 45 miles yesterday .
                                     I do not mind telling you , when I got of the bike I sat down and went limp . That's when noticed it was three in the afternoon . I had spent seven hours on the rode , peddling that bike with a few stops along the way . I was wore out tired , but you I had a feeling of accomplishment . Like had really done something . Once I do get my own car , I believe I am going to continue going on long rides , because I like that feeling . Your just riding through the countryside , in no hurry ,with deadline to meet . Just you ,the bike and the road . I do not think I would spoil it by finding a riding partner .I actually think the long rides a personal thing .  I know last night when to bed I slept really well . I felt rested when I got up , no aches or pains , just ready to meet the day head on . Maybe I could have gone on another ride . There a few more good days coming up , maybe I will get on the road again real soon . I am now officially hooked on bike riding , the long rides not the ones you take the store on the corner . The cross country rides I like . Who knows , maybe we will see each other out one the road . I do recommend a nice slow easy ,comfortable ride ,where you are in no hurry to get there for everyone . All your worries , problems will slip away . You will forget them for the moment .

How are you going to act

                       Well , I have been writing this for a couple of years  . I written about many things in my head and life . Today is a particularly a good one . I am on the way to getting a new start in my life . Start a good job next week , one I hope to turn into home , where I can work till I am not able to work any more . I like work it can feel like we all are family . Time will tell .
                        Back to the purpose of blog for the year , I have received much input from those manage to read this blog . The best possible idea can come up with is , live the best life you can . Yes , it doesn't tell you how a sixty year old should act . I guess that how should act is up to the individual . I know that at this point in my life , I am not in a position that most people my age are in . I have to struggle to get things back on track but you know nothing is worth having unless you work hard to get it . So it seems that I have long road to haul in such short time . I so much to do , I have soon sit down make list of all I need and want to accomplish . The hard for is just how do I go about doing it . Where does one start to rebuild  their life . Yes , two items are done , a new location ,and a new job .
                            Yes , I realize that rest just don't fall in place , I have to plan and work at it ,just as hard as I would on my job . The problem is just what is it that I want to with myself . I do not want another  relationship ,except with maybe my pets I hope to have . So what is it that want to do with my spare time . I have so many interests , that I never had the time or even the money to act on . Right now is not the time to act on them , because I do not have a solid foundation to which to stand on . About the only thing can do is continue is ride my bike and help my brothers on their farms .Because of my situation I don't have much of chance to meet many people . The big problem for me is you get only one chance to get it right . I definitely do not need to or even want to get mixed with wrong crowd . Heck , can't afford to .
                             I am now the kind of person that keeps to themselves and really don't talk much either . So in turn I am not much of a conversationalist , I just don't think people have much interest in what I have to say or think . So why do I write a blog , it easier for me to write my thoughts .  So I guess what I will have to get over it .

Time, a tangent and no answers

                       Man , I tell time is going by fast , since I been up here in Michigan . The fall season is upon us , the first I have experienced i many years . Its the kind of weather for bon fires , Hot apple cider , hot chocolate , powdered doughnuts , hay rides , haunted houses , and corn maze's . The time is going by fast .
                      I am still looking for answers to my questions . Still have no input , but that's my fault for I do not have active blog ,let alone one that's interesting . I have seen some quotes floating around that I thought would inspire me ,but when I sit here with my tablet in hand I go dumb . I could write about the debate last night , but I did not watch it because I lost interest in it . The campaigns have turned into a circus act . No real questions are being asked of them , hear lots of promises , and no real solutions to our nations problems . Mostly all you hear is the same old stuff just repackaged . The only thing I want to see is the changes that need to made to bring my country to what it once was . Respected ,strong and the america dream back as it was . I want to dream again and be able to act on them . We are over taxed , over regulated , everywhere we turn the is a tax or fee or some rules that all they do is prevent any progress to made . What's been created is bunch freeloaders whom do everything they can to hustle free money and goods out of our government and they have made it a career choice . We have a you owe me problem . I don't owe you a thing . Yes I may have had some help at times but I did not rely on it to live . Once I got on my feet I took care of myself . We all need help at times but you should not rely on others to take of you for life . Well my rant is over . I at times seem to go of in a tangent .
                            Back to my , main purpose of late answers to my questions. How should a sixty year old should act , know ,have accomplished and be at in his life . Do I really think that I could find solid answers . I have one year to find out .

Thoughts and Thank you

               I don't know how many times I started writing this entry , but lately my mood or state of mind hasn't been there . I have been trying to get it together . Its been slow going , I have more years than you shake a stick at , to make for. yes , I know that you can't make up for time lost , but you sure try to gain much of what you lost and more with hard work . I not going to be a victim here , I am going to climb out of this with much of my own hard work . I in my mind have been in a strange place , here but not here , wondering at times why I am doing what I have been . At times its just hard to get motivated , but I just push through it . Just as with writing my blog I have a loss of thought .
                 I have never got much feedback , throughout my writing of my blog . So at times I have to rely on much of my own thinking . I know I have been repeating myself over the past month on a thought I have . Still not much feedback but much of that is my fault . My blog is not read by very many . I don't write with any regularity , or at times with much thought or work into it . I have doing this for three years and at times I had ignored it because of things going on around me . Well in the past few months I have made more entry's because I had made steps in taking some control of my life . I know that I need put more work and thought into it . Yes , more hard work needs to be put into this and with time more people will I hope will read it . I do believe Thoughts From the Head can be a blog worth reading . I just need to make that investment .
                       As soon as I can get all my ducks in row and move past this point in my own life . I believe I have made the right move , I have so work to do to get all areas back on the right track . So maybe the reason I have purposed the thoughts I have in the past month is maybe that I am looking for some guidance in how I should be , where I should be when turn sixty . So how should act , what should I be doing , what should I be thinking ,how far along on my bucket list ? Mmmm I guess I should put together a bucket list . I have made the move to live for , work for myself , so what I do , does not involve others unless I want them there . So if your are reading this please share it with others the more thoughts are shared the better . My blog can only get better with your help . So shall end by thanking you .

Still with no idea

            Well, here I am a few days latter . Over the course of the last couple days I thought of many ideas to write about . Only thing is now that I am sitting here with tablet in hand ,I just can't remember any of them . I know thought of a couple while riding my bike in town . That just shows the need for me to carry a pen and note book of some kind around with me at all times . Never know when a thought will strike .
               The sun is shining ,with a strong breeze outside . The temps are more comfortable also . Such a good change over the past few days . I only one important thing to to do tomorrow ,so I am going to make up things I need to do , hopefully they will prove to make some progress toward my goals . I have many unfulfilled ideas to do , I think I need to at least get one of them out of the way . What could do today or the next couple days go through my notes and get a list . So I can have an idea of what I need to be working on .
                  I am very thankful of all the help and support I have received from my family in the last few months . I am working now but I would say that don't totally have me where I need to be . The things I need to work on should be in that direction . Its not likely that , Publishers Clearing House will find my door and less likely that I win the Powerball . So I have to get there on my own ,and with the family's help . November is coming up , the month for giving thanks , and I have a lot to be thankful for . I will try to thank all those that have helped me . I need to to take the necessary steps that their help proved to be fruitful .
                    Back to the purpose my blog to seek answers to to questions I posed in the last month . How is a sixty year old supposed to act , and so on . I am no closer to writing my last blog on that . What need is input which I am not getting . What things is does supposed to know and have  ? What experience's should have happened ? How far on the bucket list should he be ? How is he supposed act ? What spiritual revelations should have happened ? Is is all relative to his experiences ? So where does one begin to answer this ? Who do you ask ? Everyone I guess . I just need participation .It not hard to leave some thoughts on this , they can be left on my Google plus page , or The thoughts from the john page . You do not have to be sixty ,or have been sixty , anyone with some ideas can answer . I still have about 325 days till I turn sixty . I am looking to know the answer , I just doing this to have something to write about in my blog , and create a discussion . To be a discussion I need input from others . I need positive response's , humor , actually all kinds of thoughts .              
                         So who of you out there is going to break the ice . I will by the end of the week be adding another entry , so give me something to write about . All of us at some point have or will pass this point in our lives . We all are in this together .

What is Thoughts from the head

           Well ,today I am going back to the beginning of this blog . I have been writing this since 6/12 ,and its 192 posts later . I have know idea what I got me started other than I had just bought my fist computer . I have been pretty steady at making entry's ,except for a little dry spell ,where it just fell to the side ,life gets in the way at times . Here lately I have been pretty good at keeping up with it .
             How I came with the idea is rather silly . My Father when I was growing , being the naval man that he was . He called the bathroom the head , it was also the reading room , the library and and place to some thinking . So out of that came Thoughts from the Head . How many of us are guilty of bringing reading material in with us , or while in there do some thinking . I fact in so long that is hard to stand up . Yes , I know this is not a topic we just don't talk about.  I just saying how I came up with the name for this blog .
                So I unload some of my thoughts and ideas in here . I am always asking for people's thought's on things . I have gotten a few ,but not as much I would like but that is OK . That will not stop me from asking . I this approaching 60 years old . As I mentioned recently , So I have posted a question , rather a series of related questions .
                  How is a Sixty year old supposed to act ?  Where is a sixty year old supposed to be at in his life at that time ? Where on our bucket list should we be ? Is there some standard for when we reach these milestones in life ?
                    To be truthful I have idea on how to answer those questions , and no closer to know any answers . No idea where to begin . The thoughts I had were good just make me ask for more . I will returning to this often over the next year . For not am I only approaching sixty , but during this year I am going thru and making a lot of change's in my life . I have already made a few major changes . I do not plan on going backwards , I do not plan on being in the same place . Yes , it had starting over and thing don't happen as fast as you would like . You find that you can not make it happen with help . That makes it hard when for so long you've done it on your own . But apparently not good enough . You've let something in your life cause it fall apart and it don't just happen over night . It has taken some time happen and it was allowed to happen . What's worse is you did not see it coming . So at times , it comes to mind you think how did I not see it , how stupid was I . Because of it you give up a job you like ,leave a place that had become home .  It good that I have family that cares and will help .
                         So you see I have strong reasons to ask these questions , and a lot of ground to make up for . It may be to late , but I gotta do something . I have to make something happen in my life and it will .

Questions , My , My

                 Fall has came ,which tells us winter is not far away . After living south for so many years I find myself experiencing these seasons again for first time . Where I had been living all we had was hot and cold . I find myself enjoying this fall weather here in the great lake state . See the leaves change color , the colder nights ; which made for great sleeping . I find myself enjoying my mourning coffee and eating stews and soups more suited for this time of year . Oh yes , don't forget the obligatory mug of hot cider and powdered doughnuts .
                   When go around town you see everyone readying their homes for Halloween ; talking about the coming of Thanksgiving . Don't forget some are also thinking ahead and readying themselves for Christmas . When begin to see the leaves change you think of many things , football on Saturdays and Sundays , raking leaves , mowing the grass for last time before the snow falls , winterizing the house , fuel for heat ,and so on . Take for instance I have long sleeve shirts , so I had gone to thrift store and found me some flannel shirts and sweat shirts to begin readying myself for the colder temperatures the I will be experiencing . I no I will be in need of a good winter coat . I am also going to working getting a car or truck , I do not how much longer my bike will my mode of transportation . You really can't ride a bike in snow .
                        So much to do in so little of time , a better job ,transportation , a home my own , warm cloths . I often sit an wonder is it all going to happen . I do not want to be burden to my family to much longer . I have taking care of myself and others for so long , that I am not accustomed to letting others help me . I always have tried to do it on my own . You know it is a mans pride is at stake if he can't take care of his own needs .
                           I am meeting some of my needs on my own , I have also learned how easy it is to do without Television . I no longer feel the need to hold that remote in my hand . I am finding ways to pass the time without it . Though I manage to watch a little football . I have been getting some reading in too. Television is not as important to me any more but I have not weened myself off the internet . You need it to find and apply for work now . As for Facebook and Twitter I use it to keep up with the people I want to keep in my life . Also I use it to keep up with the news or when there is something I don't know and wat to find out about it . So that is one thing I seem not to do without .
                       I am trying hard to make the best of my situation . I do sometimes wonder about what left behind . You be with some people for twelve years and not have feelings for them . I wish the best for them but the place they had me in was not where I needed to be . What they were doing to themselves was not good , I could not let them take me down that path anymore . So am I doing good for myself , do I have the right attitude , and am I doing enough . Those thoughts are always running thru my mind , and wondering if the people around think that am trying to make it happen . There just much uncertainty in my life right now .
                  All I know I do not want to be in the same place as I am now . I want to see large gains in my life . I am still curious about the questions I have been asking in my past few blogs post I wrote . How am supposed act for my age . Questions , many questions my ,my ,my .

Making it happen

                 You never know what can do till you do it . Take yesterday I rode my bike for about 30 miles . Before yesterday I would told there is no way that I do that . There were some thing that I had to get done , and this moment a bike is my only way of getting around . Well not not exactly , I could of asked for a ride , but I am the kind of whom tries to as much as he can on his own .
                 While you are there peddling that bike down the road , you see a lot of scenery go by that you don't normally notice other wise . You also have a lot time to think ,when your not peddling as hard as you can to get up that hill in front of you . To bad I do not remember most of what I thought about today . I do remember the determination that had to get through that ride and the sense of accomplishment I had at the end day . Oh yes how well I slept last night . Now what need to is translate to determination to getting my life back on track .
                     So far I have doing that but I could do more . Not that am doing what can but more can be done . I am working hard at that though . The next week there is a lot to do , looking for a better way to get around , a job that could easily live off of , or many jobs to get me there . It not like I can count on winning the lottery tomorrow . Not that haven't tried , I keep thinking , let this be the one . But never close . So I must find the determination and the strength in myself to get it done .
                       When I do the small things in my life , and get them done ; it gives me the since that I can do this . I just keep placing one building block at a time in the foundation , before long I will get there . I promised myself , I will not be in the same place next year , that will have moved on to a better place . I can not see it now but its going to happen , its inevitable . Change is always happening , can't stop it . So you got to change with it and make it work  . But the change is better when your the one making it happen .
                      The hardest thing I find in trying to rebuild your life , is remembering what you have left behind . Also in the knowing that your building up from the bottom , and you see where everyone else is in their life . The think why is that not me . I not talking about being jealous , Evy or anything like that . You just wonder about what you could have or should have done different . Its to late for that now , I just have what got work with . All I can do is do the best I can and stay positive about the progress being made . I am just saying at times its hard to look around me , and see where could have been in my life . Sorry about being a downer right now . All can do is make the change happen .

How are we supposed to KNOW

                              Well ,I have not wrote on here in a couple of days its not that I been busy , but I have trying to come up with something to write about . Then I saw some posts on different sites that gave something to think about . They were more like inspirational statements . Stuff that may help you deal with what life throws at you . Well , its true that this moment is only temporary , it only lasts for seconds . You will never get it back . So life is always changing , and if you want or need to change , you must change with it . The hard part is making the decision , and knowing what to change . Then you must have courage and will to make it happen .
                                  I have made those kind of steps in my life in the past couple of months . I do have the what the hell were you thinking moments . But I realize that where I was at was not good for me . I was not in control of my life. The people in my life then had control . I loved them and still do but their only concern was themselves and their habits .It was their habits were their only concern . They did not care about anything else just that the need was met . Don't get me wrong its as much my fault for letting it go on for as long as I did . I will think of all I left behind , and it was a lot . A good job , friends , a city I enjoyed living in that turned into my home . But the change I needed I had to change it all . Being back where I came from with family is where I needed to be . Its not easy here but change is not supposed to be easy .
                                         I just have to make sure that every step I take is the right one . At times the right move you can not see right away , and you may take some shortcuts and skip over things that should be done first . There in lays the problem , there is no clear map of what to do or where to go . And this goes back to my question last week . How is man my age supposed to act . Where should he be at this point in his life . What knowledge should he gained by now . Is there something I missed  , something I should have read . Some experience that I should have had . Did grow to be the person I should have been . Am I wrong for wondering or even asking these questions . Who sets the norms , how in the hell are supposed to know all the answers .
                                    The biggest problem is finding work that will support the the change being made . It is really hard when you have nothing to start with . You have a work history but its not local and you no piece of paper that says you know what to do . The biggest problem is that they want to know why you left it all in the first place . Its not that they want to understand , its that can't understand why left what you liked behind . Why didn't you leave the situation behind . Will some things are not that simple , especially when you do not know what the person will do . Some times it all has to change . It just that you got be willing to do it and not back down . Don't think I haven't tried to to do it with out leaving the area . I tried many times , it does not work that way .
                                   Yes , I am happy with the changes that being made by me . Change for the better is slow . When start from the bottom , it can do nothing but get better . Well the only way to go is up , the only limit being made is by you . You alone chose how far you are going to go . Along the you must take time to repair the damage done to yourself , but you be looking to front all the doing it. Life can get get better if you build it on top of wreckage . There has to be a strong foundation , don't let there be any history not resolved put a crack in it . You to clear some things so it haunt you and slow progress . You what I mean , bills all caught up . All ties to what left severed . There can be nothing hold you back to move forward .
                                 Yes I am learning . Maybe that's what this is all about .My that is the answer I have been looking for . Just maybe that's what the meaning to this life is about , learning .
                                      

This is Thoughts From The Head

                Well , here I am again , I have forgotten how chilly and windy the falls get here in Michigan . You something though I am enjoying experiencing it again . It beginning to feel like home . When go into town I now run into people I know . I guess I went on my first date , met with I women I know from face book for a long breakfast and just chatted all mourning , talk to few people in the restaurant that I did not realize I new from the the old days . I am starting to become normal again . It all beginning to come together .
                    Went for a interview for better job , and landed a second interview , thank you . Ready now to buy a scooter , the second phase of establishing my self . Once I get this now to work on a truck and a place of my own . Still want to build the canoe over the winter , so can have one other activity to do in spring . Maybe try my hand at fishing . I also not going to do the one man canoe now , I'll put together a 18 footer , so that I can bring along some company . Yes I can now see change is possible and that better days are ahead of me . I see now that can fit in here at home . Yes I have a life .
                      Now if can some help with question that I been asking about in my blog . Maybe can a good discussion going here . Also maybe I can get back work on my great american novel idea again . I have been banging that idea around for a few years now . That idea is what really got me started with writing this blog  . Maybe its that needed to be at peace with myself . I recently read Earnest Hemingway's book The Old Man and the Sea again . I have read it so many times in my youth and seen to movie I do not know how many times . It a classic , just enjoyed it . I enjoy reading any way . But just can't pick up any book and read it , for some reason if it don't grab me in the first few pages  I done with it . I just can not force my self through it .
                             I figure if I read some good books it would help motivate me to do better in my blog and get going with the novel . But also just doing stuff like working on the farms and building those canoes with my brother . Living my life , experiencing winter for the first time in over thirty years , will get me going on my projects . I can see people are reading my blog , but I am getting no feedback so that I can know if I am heading the right direction . This is Thoughts From The Head . So have to put them out there .
                               Here it is most of the mourning is gone past ,and have this all put down . Oh shoot , I haven't had my coffee yet . What's wrong with me . But through this writing today I have stayed pretty positive in my thoughts . That is a big change . So let's get the comments coming so I can get things going . OK .
                                  If you can check out some my earlier blogs , that might help in getting the juices flowing around here .I know I have some good ones and some that are not so good .But that is with all things .

The final chapter has not been written !!!!

                     Well , here sit on a fall day , the looks great with light blue sky with white puffy clouds floating around . Started my day with bike ride into town ,met with a friend for a slow casual breakfast and coffee . It was a peasant mourning for sure . Ran into a few people I knew from many years ago . It seem as though it was another life time . One thing for sure is life is finally starting to feel normal .
                       I am still thinking about what wrote in my last few blogs , you about how a sixty year old should act . I seen and read a few think since
That made sense . Never act your age and your only as old as you feel . I think sometimes that I am in my twenty's , so I try to do as I did then ,but at times my body will let me , but I doing good for my age ,a five mile ride on my bike seems normal . Last week I did about 26 miles and felt good afterwards . But that statement " is that the way a fifty old should act " , that was made back then . So as sixty approaches , I can't help but wonder what will be expected of me when it does happen . Your age just changes , no books to study given beforehand , and tests are taken . It just happens and then your expected to know . Like it is absorbed by osmosis from the atmosphere or something .
                             All I know is I just keep living and doing what has to be done to make it work . I my take a few wrong turns , but who doesn't . We all had to have been there at some point . I just haven't experienced something's that most adults have at this point . I did not to grow up with my daughter as I should have . So I missed out on that . Through out my my working life I have always been around a lot of young people just starting their adult lives . So I have always had that youthful influence around me . I guess that is not a bad thing . So just how are you going to act . Hell I do know , I just enjoy life as comes and see what happens . The final chapter has not been written .

How am I supposed to act

                        Well , its been only two days since I asked the question " How should a sixty year old act ? " I have two responses to my question , I guess I should feel pretty good about that . I probably doing real good for a blog that only gets ten to thirty hits a day . Yep ,I do not get read by many people ,and don't get any comments very often about what I write. But right now I think I have  valid question . I Know with all the things happening in our world today , that people may pass over this for other things more concerning or entertaining . We live in a busy world , people's lives are bombarded with information constantly . I also know I can expect results in just two days .
                           One answer I got was " it depends "  . Well really that is saying a lot in just two words . Because it could depend on your religion , where you at in the world , your income , even your status in society . So you many different directions with that answer . It just a hard one to go with . But it is a start .
                 The other response I got was " like thirty year old but be twice as good at it . "  Well that was a good answer also but when I was in my Thirty's I don't really think I had my act together . At that time I was living moment to moment . I was letting the people around me ,the place I was at dictate my decisions . I went for what felt good at the moment with thought about the future . I had concept of the fact that I needed to build a life , a future . So that answer does not help me from my experience . It was a good answer though .
                        Maybe I should expand the question a little . How should a sixty year old act , what should they have accomplished , and should they have experienced by then ? I think that covers just about everything . Let me see where that will get me . I know I can not expect much with kind of hits I get , but will not worry to much about it . I have whole year to work on getting the answers and a whole year to improve myself , and where I am at in my life at this point . A lot can happen in 352 days ,  many changes can happen .                       

SURVEY : HOW SHOULD A SIXTY YEAR OLD ACT?

                As sit here thinking a question came to mind . Actually more a memory and thought did . As I am going to be 59 tomorrow , which mean next year I will be sixty . To get to my point when turned fifty , something happened that caused some one I knew to say to me "Is that the way a fifty year should act ? " . Well me being me my answer to that was " Hell I don't know ,turning fifty just happened , there was no test , I was not given a manual . So how in the world one suppose to act .
              With sixty approaching I am asking you all out there to help me . Respond to my blog with what you think a sixty year old should know and how you think he should act . So as I could put together a so called Manuel with you alls help . Think about it , would have helped you if there was some sort of book you could turned to when you reached mile stones in your life . like say twenty , thirty or forty for that matter . Would things be a lot different if there was some sort of guide you could of turned to . So please respond with your answers . And I will respond and share in kind through my blog .Who knows what may come out of this .
                  I would to add ,what should a sixty year should know by then and what should have experienced ?  Please leave some comments , I will use them future blogs this year . That question will be in thoughts trough out the year .

The best I can

                       This one going to take a couple of day to write. I want give this  one a lot thought . For on Thursday is my 59 the birthday . This mourning I got up and rode in to town for breakfast . The little place I went to is only open till two and they do breakfast all day . It just little place , and model cars and trucks all over place .  Fifties stuff all over the place . Its called Mel's Dinner . Its really cool to look at all the stuff . Its the kind of place where the men hang out in a corner and talk all mourning about every in life possible , the ladies also meet each other before going about their daily business . I had a real relaxing slow breakfast , enjoyed just sitting there .
                         I then walked around town checking out stores for a little metal lunch box that I could strap on the back of my bike . So I can carry a little snack or lunch for my long rides that I do occasionally take. I did manage to find something I could use after checking out three stores . I then went the local barbershop to get my hair shaped up . So I could look like something , not rag-a-muffin .
                           What this all have to do with my writing a long thoughtful blog ,that will take a couple of days to write . Well , if you don't know by now ,you have not been reading my blog all the long . Its all about feeling good about myself and moving toward with my life . Here I am turning 59 and starting all over again from scratch . I have been taking small steps to moving toward , with the job I have now its all about moving forward ,getting the cash flowing again . Once I get some form of motorized transportation , I can think about some serious job hunting . Something with benefits , full time ( yes , gotta have more hours ) and something where I can stand my own two feet . Something that I can build a future on .
                                 I have been very much at peace with myself and trying very hard to be that way . I also trying very hard not to be a burden on my family , been trying to be as helpful as I can for them . I look back on the years my life I see I have many , many wrong choices . A lot of times it was I was blind or ignorant of the the true facts of what was really going on . I was so intent on making things work  and long lasting I just didn't see or just didn't want see what was really happening behind the scene's. My professional life was great I had that under control , it was my personal life that spiraled . I am just very good at choosing life partners . They all say they looking for the something ,when really they are want their cake and everyone else's too . So I am realizing that I will spending the rest of my life by myself . Because no will look after me better than me and my family . I am not say relationships are bad , they are not . They are great if all are on equal footing and pull in the same direction .I just feel that after the many times I have tried and failed at this late stage of the game it not in the cards for me . It not the lack trying , its that I do not have it in me any more . I believe if I want company , it will have to be a dog or cat for me . They don't ask much of you , just make sure they are feed , healthy ant get some of your time . They always be there for you , and glad to see you all the time .
                                      I know not what lays ahead for me but I will take it on the best I can .

Just riding my bike

                      Well , yesterday mourning I went for a bike ride to a neighboring town , I took nothing but back roads the whole trip . In fact it was mostly dirt roads through a lot of farm land . It was very peaceful ride .I can tell you I was in no hurry to get there . It was OK , I'll turn here and see where this takes me . At the same time I proved to myself ,that you can not be lost around here . All the roads going east and west are named with the alphabet , all north and south are numerically named like 1 mile , 2 mile and so on .
                       Back to the ride , like I said I was in no hurry to get any where . I doubt I had the bike any higher than fifth gear , for the most part it was third and fourth all the way . It was going at a slow pace . I took in all the fields of crops , the woods that I rode through , the many streams I past over . Saw lots of farm houses ,many barns , silos and many different kinds of farm equipment along the way .  For the most part I was alone in my thoughts . The funny thing is I don't remember any of them except that I wanted to go to a buffet when I got back . What wonderful way to clear your head and be at peace with your self . And yes , we went to a buffet later in the day  . A wonderful way to top of a day is with a good big meal and afterward try to watch some football . When say try to watch , I mean it watched me more than watched it .
                            And so I retired early to the trailer and went to sleep . It was pretty much a clear night out . You saw a lot of stars and a few clouds in the sky .It did get a little chilly though , but that made for some good Sleeping . The chilly air did make it hard to get out from the covers . But I am glad I did because there is a beautiful blue sky with lots white puffy clouds this mourning . Had my pancakes and coffee at the picnic table under them . I think week I will go for a long bike ride in honer of my 59th birthday . Maybe try for a fifty nine mile ride or as close to it as I can get . We will see all depends on what my work schedule looks like . When do that ride I will try to write a blog about as much of the ride I can .

We will see

                    Here I am sitting in the screened room on the farm ,feeling a nice cool breeze , your can hear the leaves rustling . The birds are chirping  and the sun trying to fight its way through the clouds . There was a good storms during the night , that lasted till after the sun came up , expecting more tonight . I am hoping they will wait till I get to work though . It is so quiet here , I have up here since late June and I am still amazed by how quiet it is here .
                       When go on my bike rides , I see large open fields of crops every where I go , and not forgetting the patches trees scattered all over . Then riding has become very relaxing , and has become easier to go long all day rides . There is really so much to do around here and to see .
                        Since the beginning of summer I have gotten to where I watch very little TV .I am not as up to date , as to what is going on in the world . But living out here in the country it is just easy to get busy with something or not be busy and forget about the out side world . Yes , I know I should be paying attention , but what news you get is so slanted one way or other . So you don't know if you are getting the whole story .
                            Out here you get a lot of time to think or even not think . Shoot , not thinking is so easy to to do here . You can get relaxed sitting here looking over the fields ,right into the woods ; that you can loose yourself . All concept of time just disappears . Before you know it you look up and its time to go to work . Easily you can loose track of what day of week it .
                                Yes I made the right move , by come back home . I not making what I was , but I am at lest seeing my pay check and at least last me more than couple days . I am no longer getting that daily drama of so called emergencies . I can now think of and work on future needs . Not just the right now . I calmly just let the money just sit there till I need it . At this pace I can and will be on my feet in no time . Hopefully in four weeks I can have some sort of motorized transportation . Then I can really do some searching for a more steady income with a future and benefits . So tell me am I in the right frame of mind . Am I going about this in the right way . We will see .

Not waiting anymore

                             You know something , Its hard to make changes in your life . Here I gave up a damn good job in the city , because poor decisions in my personal life .If it was not for those decisions I would be probably in a good place right now in my life . I right now worry about not doing enough in moving forward , to be honest I possibly not doing enough . I help out my brother where ever I can around the house and farm . I know that is not enough . I really should by all rights be on my own two feet ,in my own place and able to get myself to and back from where I need to be .
                                 To be perfectly honest at times I do not know what should be doing to get there . I at times think I am passing up opportunities or not recognizing them when they arise . Beginning on Monday I am going to , no scratch that I must start spending a lot of time on line to find better opportunities . Part of what's slowing me down is transportation . Two more paydays I will have the money for a moped , will have start studying for the test and find a way to get there to take it . I will then start looking real hard at places in Battle Creek , Marshall or even Kalamazoo . I have quit dreaming about winning the lottery to solve my problems , like have for so many years . Don't get me wrong I am going to still play it . You can't win unless your in it .
                                  Seriously , I will have to come up with something , I really do not have many working years left in me . I am thinking though the winter project my brother have planed , could turn into a good side thing if I take my time and do a good job on it . Hopefully , when we take the canoes will build out the lakes they will be noticed . Maybe someone will ask about them , and ask us to build one for them . That a long way down the road . I have to think about now , the short term . What I need to do get me there . Basically I have get off my lazy butt . Yes said it lazy butt . I do and can be a bit lazy . One I have Changed is my addiction to TV . I am not watching it constantly and letting it control my time . I do need to get myself around people , that is where the best contacts are made when searching for good job . I am going to start going to church with my brother more . It is the one mom took us to when I lived here before . I do have some history with this church . I did the brick work on the sign out front . Maybe just to get involved with stuff around here . I cannot wait for things to come to me , if I do do nothing will change .
                            It awfully easy , just to back a wait for things to come your way . It's much difficult to go out there to find it . Only thing is you have to go online to find opportunities , it's not like the good old day's ; where you knocked on doors , shook peoples hand and looked them in the eye to show serious your were .about working for them . You have to apply online and hope your resume catches someone's eye . Then go through several interviews for them to consider you . During those interviews you have on your toes for any question they have . You have to be the best of yourself you can be and hope it is what they are looking for .
                              During this time of my life I would have never thought that I would be going through this . My dropping everything and leaving an uncomfortable situation was the hardest decision I ever made . In my late fifties I am exactly where I was when I was in my early twenties when I joined the Air Force . Right now I am wishing , no a better way to put it I am regretting not staying in ,like I could have .  But we can not dwell on decisions we should have made . That one of many decisions in my life I should made to go on a deferent path . I can not waste my time on thinking about this . Because each and every day we are faced with those kind of decisions . The what ifs are of no consequence , you are where are now and that is what you have to work with .

Some coffee ,a bike ride , hot dogs and thoughts

             Yep , today is better day for me . Off work the sun is out , had a nice mourning bike ride and now in town at a coffee shop . I have had few good days at work to , What really nice my home town is really quite , I am sitting at tables outside , sipping on my coffee and enjoying a muffin . From where I sitting I can see everything going on downtown . Its funny when I was in Charlotte NC , I always said I was going uptown . Really don't see to much happening here . A little bit of traffic , few people going to and fro about their business . May maybe you might see a few people stopping and chatting .
                I sitting in a cool spot at these bistro table outside the coffee shop . I am really the only one at the shop other than the people who work here . Since I moved back to the town I finished high school at . I really have not run into to many people who remember me . Although Sunday at church this old guy remembered I built the sign out front around 38 years ago . That kinda helped feel a little proud , some one remembered something I did . Shoot , here I am calling someone an old guy , I am pretty much one my self . Although I do still try to do things as if I am not , my body  reminds of that I am not at times . 
             When riding in I took one of the side roads that took me into town the back way . It was mostly dirt roads all the way . Didn't see to many people ,other than a tractor mowing the edges of the road and maybe a truck or two . It was all corn , soy fields and woods all the way . The side road in town had lots of old houses on them . There was a rather large farming operation on the way in also . Lots large barns, silo's , and some heavy duty farm equipment . Having graduated high school here it should seem normal to me , but remember I left some thirty-five years ago . 
                  Motorcycle's are a big thing here , you a lot big Harleys all around . And because all the rivers and lakes , you see a lot of kayaks and bass boats . What am I thinking , this is the Great Lakes State . 
                  The one thing I am a little apprehensive about is winter ,it is not far away . Yes know its got little to go till it gets here . The leaves on the trees are still green , they have not even started to change . That would be wonderful to see . I have been to far south for to long I guess .
                  Well I am adding to this post , its the end of the ride for me today . Rode  total of twenty seven miles today . Ten miles into town for some coffee and shopping . Took my time for that . Then of all things I rode about eight and half miles just to get two hot dogs and coke . It was at Station 66 on Mich Route 66 , and they were not any hotdogs . They were what they called Battle Creek dogs . They had smoked bacon , yes I said it bacon , grilled onions and cheese sauce , mmmm . The ride most relaxing and it was such a nice day for a ride . There is something to be said about what a bike ride in the county can do for your spirit .  There was great looking landscape and nice blue sky with some puffs of clouds in the sky . It didn't hurt that at the places I stopped at there were some nice looking ladies too . Saw a lot of tractors and trucks a long the ride . Oh yes , the motorcycles were out in force . This is a far cry from the city where I came from . Since I came back here to Michigan I have been more relaxed and calmer .It been a good change , still have a long way to go get where I was before . It will come in time .

Here's to felling lost

          This mourning when I woke up was a little cold , which is probably normal for Michigan this time of year . I really don't know for sure , the last real fall I experienced was in 1983 . That's when left , to go south with no real plan for my future . That may be the reason the reason my life is in the shape its in now . Living in a camper trailer ,a bike for transportation , and working a low wage job . I have no one to blame for my choice's but myself .
           I have to work tonight , and find myself with not much to occupy my with . I am living on my brothers farm so there not much here that belongs to me . I only just started the rebuilding process , so I don't have much of my own here . Can't really touch much of my money , because I need to save to get better transportation ,winter clothes that I do not have , and most important a place of my own to live . These are my short term goals . So there are a lot of things I must first think of before I do anything else .
               So there is the problem , a lot of down time , with not much of my own to occupy it with . School started , so my brother had start work again . So I guess the bailing hay is done for now . I spent the last three day's now mowing the three acres of lawn to occupy my time . It was very calming on the riding lawn mower . The reason I am writing about this is I Found my self feeling lost ; wondering what am I going to do with my time . I am also trying not to be to much in the way of my family here . At the same time I am doing my best to be helpful to them . Let's be honest , right now I probably be living on the streets with nothing to my name without their help . For that I very grateful and humbled . I really in my heart do not want to let them down , so each step I take must be the right choice  , and stick and be towards to goal of being on my own two feet .
                    My brother came up with a project for the winter , build a couple of wood strip canoes . I like the idea . But first things first before I come up with a couple of hundred dollars for this . My other needs come first . None the less I willcome up with the money to do this . I would love to have my own single man canoe next spring . Go out on the river and lake do some exploring ,take pictures and maybe some fishing to . The fishing I really have done to much of in my life . I guess could Learn on the job . I have tried a couple of times in Florida and really sucked at it . Now that I am older maybe I now have patience for it . Who knows I maybe good at it .
                     Another thing I could do that don't cost much is get back into my reading . There are a lot books around the farm that my dad left behind . He loved to read ,if there was something he wanted to know he bought a book about and read it . I guess I could do the same thing with my time . The mind is a tearable thing to waste , I might well exercise it to . Because my body gets a lot of that with all the bike riding I do .
                        On that note the fall probably a good time to do a lot of riding . With all the farms starting to harvest their crop's , the leaves will begin to change colours. So there will be a lot to see and take pictures of . Its been a long time since I have seen a real fall . Not to forget the football to watch when I can . Need to find out what radio station Michigan Wolverine's air their games . Ops ,sorry that is a note to my self ,did not for that to get in there . Thanksgiving is not to far away , I haven't done one of those in some time . I do have that to look toward to .
                       You see , the reason I went trough this exercise today is , I found myself at an loss for what am I going to next when got up this cold and chilly mourning . I wondered what am going to do to make some progress . It will be going slow , but I now realize I made some strides towards getting on my own two feet . One tends to forget progress is always slow going . You just have to find ways to stay focussed . So what will I do today before work . It looks like we may get some rain today . I do hope it stay's clear enough for me to ride my bike to work . Well looks like I will make some coffee and sandwiches . And settle in and read till its time to go .

IRRELEVANT

                Well , this mourning I am sitting here drinking my coffee waiting for the mourning dew to dry off , so I can Finnish mowing the lawns . There is something relaxing about being on that riding lawn mower . The nothing to think about but steering it safely around the yard . You have nothing time to let your mind go where it wants to go or needs to go . While on there , there is not a lot of demands of your attention ; so it can be pretty narrow . Good therapy for you , especially for me with all that am trying to recover and rebuild from . I guess you can call it a form of meditation .
                    The past two days I spent a couple of hours each working on the yard . I felt relaxed and ready for my bike ride into work and work it self . At the of the day I felt good of myself , although when I played down my eyes would not close for the life of me . I just laid there wide awake . But on the other hand if I did I would missed the clear sky last night . You could the stars every where , not a cloud blocking them , not forget about listening to the crickets and frogs singing their songs . At one point I could hear a bunch of dogs of in the distance  , some one must of been hunting raccoon or something . It sounded like they had something treed or surrounded . Amazing the things you can hear out here on the farm or see in the night sky .  Kind of makes all the past problems and the things that your going through to solve them irrelevant . I guess you can say I am making progress .

Making it count

               Well yes it has been a few days since my last post . I have been kind of busy though ,helped my brother with the hay in the field , a unsuccessful bike where I ended up trying to out run a thunderstorm back to the farm ; I just made made it . When I got to the farm it had been raining for about five minutes and could hear lighting in the back ground . Monday I finally made that Thirteen mile ride that had tried on Saturday . It was a pleasant and quick ride , did it in two hours . Past two days I have been busy with work and mowing my brothers yard . I got started to early , I should have waited a little longer for the dew to burn off .
                   You know that's a little problem I have , sometimes I can be a little inpatient . I find with most things I do . I just get busy , at times I just get started to early or I try to rush to get it done . There is a right time to start things , and sometimes you just have wait a little for the right time . I am finding that with starting over . There many steps you have take and some steps pop up that you don't plan on . And before you go on you have take care of them before you continue on your plan . Always must at the ready for the unexpected to slow you down . Just don't let it stop you from reaching the ultimate goals .
                    Yes it has been slow going for me , but this time will be and must be last time I go through this . So I must be sure each step will be a solid step , and anyone I let in my life must be someone wort knowing . I can't let things in things or people in that can impede my progress . The time is now making the best decisions possible . I do not have time to make one step forward and two back  . Everyone I take must count .

To Cat or not to Cat

               Today , I kind of feel good about my progress in moving with my life . This week I have able to move around independently , because of my evening able to ride around on my bike . I checked out where some apartments are at around town , I also applied for a second job . ( It will take two jobs to get on my feet again , and lots of sacrifice's on my part ) . I also yesterday loaded up a wagon of hay by myself . They meant I drove the tractor around the field with hay wagon and picked the bails and loaded them ,stacked them by myself . got most of the field done in a couple of hours .
                 Thanks to all this activity I am finally losing my stomach , my abs around showing up after being AWOL for so many years . My pants are starting to get lose in the waist .
                 This week I also walked around the field and found where the deer been hanging out at . That same day at night I saw about eight deer on the hill near there . I walked up to them and got about a couple of hundred feet of them before they bolted . I believe things are going to be alright before the end of the year . Hopefully I will be where I can have a pet . I am thinking a cat maybe two . It don't take much effort to care for them and when what your attention they will come to you . You just have to put out food and water for them when needed . When they're kittens they can be a lot fun to play with .
                     See this why I think things are going to get better is because I am making some kind of plans to the future . OK , maybe they are not big plans but they are plans none the less . I have not forgotten my plan to build a canoe over the winter . Progress is being made it may not be in a grand scale , but it is being made .

It's going to be a long hard ride

               Well been riding my bike to work now for a week , starting feel like I am in better shape also . Today took a ride into town for some lunch , stopped by job and checked out where some apartments are . I think the ride today was about fifteen miles . I took the long way back to the house which took me my cousin's house . It wouldn't have been right to pass by and not chatted with the a while . So I did , it was a welcome rest , good conversation , not mention the air-conditioning felt good . When left there it was only a ten minute ride . All in all its been a good day .
                I have making strides to get back own two feet , hopefully this other job comes through ,I could be in my own place before winter sets in .I come to the realization that it will take two jobs to get on my feet . It ain't like I can count on the lottery to save the day , it would be nice but it not gonna happen . One can always dream about it though . I so want to repay my family for what help they have given me and then some . I hope to do this one day .
                  I can say this I am more positive about the future now , than was six months ago . It seemed as though there was no way out , that doomed to that existence . I now there is always a way out , you just have to be willing to make the move .

Here's to felling good about me

             Well , yesterday was a good day , I would say .  I walked 5 miles into town . Then did the same 5 miles back . Some might say it wasn't because of the distances , comments I  might hear is I wouldn't do that or something of that nature . That's just it I am not you , I needed to do something on my own , to feel a little freedom . Do something , where I did not depend on family to get me around . It felt good , got a sandwich at a little shop , took care of little business while there . On the way back got a ice cream cone to nibble on , on the way back . Its amazing that how the little things can just feel so good .
                In the spirit of this little bit of freedom , I bought me a seven speed cruiser to ride around on . Took it for test this afternoon , and it rides good . This will do till have  a better transportation solution . May go into town for coffee in the mourning , we will see . My family will not let ride it to work though , they don't want me on these country roads at night . I can see there point , people drive these roads like its a race track . Progress is being made toward my independence . It is my hope to out on my own again by spring at the latest .
                    I have my brothers garden looking good , been working on it every day for last week except the past two days , the ground has been too wet . Maybe tomorrow . I also started on the horse shoe pits , all that is left is put sand in them and drive the stakes in. Then maybe will get some games in before the snow falls . Which may not be long . They telling me they do not look for that bad of a winter . I hope so . I really not ready for my first winter in over thirty years . Progress is really happening for me , It not going as fast as I would like , but it happening none the less .

Just off on another tangent , oh how the mind wonders

                Well , it's a sunny day here ;when the clouds are not in the way . It rain steadily through out the night . So the soil in the garden was very moist this mourning . Some mud stuck to Mr favorite slides while working in it . The garden is starting to look like something .
                  Its  hard to believe I have been here in Michigan a month already . In that month I have baled and put in the barn a lot of hay , driven a tractor , started working in my brothers garden ( its starting to look good too ) , started working a job in the evenings . I pulled an old ten speed out of the garage all needs is inner tubes and will be rideable . May start doing some bike riding when get the chance before winter sets in . Going to work on getting a permit to ride a scooter in state , because I should be able to get a scooter in about another four weeks . I will be able to get around on my own soon .
                 My tells me we should have one more cutting of hay to do  before this season is over. If I am not in good shape before the year is up something is wrong with me . I finally realized that this is going to be the first real winter I have experienced in over thirty years . I mean like real snow that lasts more than a couple days , single digest temperatures that last more than a few hours . That is something I can't wait for and at the same time can do without . I know that I have got to work on getting some winter clothes and a warm coat . I have a lot to with a short time to do it in . Also my brother and I are planning to build a couple of strip canoes over the winter . It looks like my plate full for the next year . I must also work on a more permanent transportation and living solution during all this . So much think about and do , when you starting over , most of all I have stay on track . I have do it in a way that sticks . No room for a relationship , well maybe a cat or dog , but that's it .
                       As I writing this , I am sitting in a screened in room on the back of house , that looks on the barns , gardens , hay field and the trailer I now stay in . Its not much but the trailer is comfortable right now for sleeping , with the cool wind blowing in . Back to the screened  in room , the cool breeze and temperature feels good and the nice view in front of me . I am stress free , unlike over a month ago . I now have a clear picture of what's ahead , I not wondering what drama is coming my way today . I still have to some work my other project I have trying to get started to the past couple of years . Now that the drama is gone I can do something about it . Maybe by my being busy it will push me closer to working on it .
                          By my trying to be active , I will find the time to do everything , and possibly meet the right kind of people that need to be in my life . While sitting here working this blog another thought came to me , cross country skiing  . How hard is that and will I enjoy it . Another thing to think about is the cost to get started . Will it be worth the money for me to invest to find out if I like it .I will have to check .
                          I have also noticed in the past month , now that am posting an entry in my blog I have been getting more hits . I say thank you all whom been reading them . I do invite all of you post comments , they very welcome .

Possibilities are endless

         Its just simply amazing , When I got off work and got home . We just looked up at the night sky and really took a good look as we got out the car . The stars were just shining so bright and there just so many of them . There's not even a cloud in the sky for them to hide behind . I could see the big dipper clear as day .
             Its a nice cool and comfortable night , heck the mosquitoes are not out dive bombing you as you are staring at the sky . All you can hear are the crickets , toad's and the cows on the neighboring farm mooing . The only thing you can hear of civilization is the occasional car coming down the road in front of farm .
               With that to come home to , how can things not get better for me . Notice how positive my posts have been getting since I moved back home . I already know what my week has in store for me , work every night at the restaurant , Wednesday have to bail and put in the barn .
                  It plain and simple this is where I should have been all the long . Here in the country ,with family , in a place I know best . With this that is in the evening sky ,how can anyone say there is not a better life waiting for me . As in the sky , as it here on our little blue planet the possibilities are endless .

Lots to look forward to

              Well on my way back , got my first paycheck , turned on my phone and have new number . Started my third week on new job , work tonight and had the past two days , got plenty of rest ; ready to get started again .
               Have plan place for to move forward . Need to take it one step at a time . I need not rush this to where I screw things up . Keep my eye work and getting my life on track . The rest will fall place by itself . Have something planned to occupy my time this winter . No time to just hang out , just have time for getting it together . I don't have time the stuff I put up with the past . Either your with me or not , if not bye don't need you.
               So far living out here on the farm has been good for me . Lots of hard work , plenty of rest and the quiet of the evenings and days for that matter . They all have been wonderful . The support I am getting from my family has been wonderful . Not mention the support of my many friends on my social networks I belong to .
                 Today is such a nice day , I slept in a little , have to work tonight . My brother getting some hay cut today and I thought it was time for another entry . Really don't have much more to say . Though I looking my brother's grandson ride his tractor around the yard . He cute with His little green and yellow John Deer that drives till the batteries die . Ain't family great .
                    Looking forward to Thanksgiving it will be first time I celebrated it in years , it will wonderful to do it with family . Hope sister can come out  this fall , it will be great seeing her . My little girl who isn't so little might come up this coming summer with her daughter and husband . Lot's to look forward to .