Not waiting anymore

                             You know something , Its hard to make changes in your life . Here I gave up a damn good job in the city , because poor decisions in my personal life .If it was not for those decisions I would be probably in a good place right now in my life . I right now worry about not doing enough in moving forward , to be honest I possibly not doing enough . I help out my brother where ever I can around the house and farm . I know that is not enough . I really should by all rights be on my own two feet ,in my own place and able to get myself to and back from where I need to be .
                                 To be perfectly honest at times I do not know what should be doing to get there . I at times think I am passing up opportunities or not recognizing them when they arise . Beginning on Monday I am going to , no scratch that I must start spending a lot of time on line to find better opportunities . Part of what's slowing me down is transportation . Two more paydays I will have the money for a moped , will have start studying for the test and find a way to get there to take it . I will then start looking real hard at places in Battle Creek , Marshall or even Kalamazoo . I have quit dreaming about winning the lottery to solve my problems , like have for so many years . Don't get me wrong I am going to still play it . You can't win unless your in it .
                                  Seriously , I will have to come up with something , I really do not have many working years left in me . I am thinking though the winter project my brother have planed , could turn into a good side thing if I take my time and do a good job on it . Hopefully , when we take the canoes will build out the lakes they will be noticed . Maybe someone will ask about them , and ask us to build one for them . That a long way down the road . I have to think about now , the short term . What I need to do get me there . Basically I have get off my lazy butt . Yes said it lazy butt . I do and can be a bit lazy . One I have Changed is my addiction to TV . I am not watching it constantly and letting it control my time . I do need to get myself around people , that is where the best contacts are made when searching for good job . I am going to start going to church with my brother more . It is the one mom took us to when I lived here before . I do have some history with this church . I did the brick work on the sign out front . Maybe just to get involved with stuff around here . I cannot wait for things to come to me , if I do do nothing will change .
                            It awfully easy , just to back a wait for things to come your way . It's much difficult to go out there to find it . Only thing is you have to go online to find opportunities , it's not like the good old day's ; where you knocked on doors , shook peoples hand and looked them in the eye to show serious your were .about working for them . You have to apply online and hope your resume catches someone's eye . Then go through several interviews for them to consider you . During those interviews you have on your toes for any question they have . You have to be the best of yourself you can be and hope it is what they are looking for .
                              During this time of my life I would have never thought that I would be going through this . My dropping everything and leaving an uncomfortable situation was the hardest decision I ever made . In my late fifties I am exactly where I was when I was in my early twenties when I joined the Air Force . Right now I am wishing , no a better way to put it I am regretting not staying in ,like I could have .  But we can not dwell on decisions we should have made . That one of many decisions in my life I should made to go on a deferent path . I can not waste my time on thinking about this . Because each and every day we are faced with those kind of decisions . The what ifs are of no consequence , you are where are now and that is what you have to work with .