Here's to felling lost

          This mourning when I woke up was a little cold , which is probably normal for Michigan this time of year . I really don't know for sure , the last real fall I experienced was in 1983 . That's when left , to go south with no real plan for my future . That may be the reason the reason my life is in the shape its in now . Living in a camper trailer ,a bike for transportation , and working a low wage job . I have no one to blame for my choice's but myself .
           I have to work tonight , and find myself with not much to occupy my with . I am living on my brothers farm so there not much here that belongs to me . I only just started the rebuilding process , so I don't have much of my own here . Can't really touch much of my money , because I need to save to get better transportation ,winter clothes that I do not have , and most important a place of my own to live . These are my short term goals . So there are a lot of things I must first think of before I do anything else .
               So there is the problem , a lot of down time , with not much of my own to occupy it with . School started , so my brother had start work again . So I guess the bailing hay is done for now . I spent the last three day's now mowing the three acres of lawn to occupy my time . It was very calming on the riding lawn mower . The reason I am writing about this is I Found my self feeling lost ; wondering what am I going to do with my time . I am also trying not to be to much in the way of my family here . At the same time I am doing my best to be helpful to them . Let's be honest , right now I probably be living on the streets with nothing to my name without their help . For that I very grateful and humbled . I really in my heart do not want to let them down , so each step I take must be the right choice  , and stick and be towards to goal of being on my own two feet .
                    My brother came up with a project for the winter , build a couple of wood strip canoes . I like the idea . But first things first before I come up with a couple of hundred dollars for this . My other needs come first . None the less I willcome up with the money to do this . I would love to have my own single man canoe next spring . Go out on the river and lake do some exploring ,take pictures and maybe some fishing to . The fishing I really have done to much of in my life . I guess could Learn on the job . I have tried a couple of times in Florida and really sucked at it . Now that I am older maybe I now have patience for it . Who knows I maybe good at it .
                     Another thing I could do that don't cost much is get back into my reading . There are a lot books around the farm that my dad left behind . He loved to read ,if there was something he wanted to know he bought a book about and read it . I guess I could do the same thing with my time . The mind is a tearable thing to waste , I might well exercise it to . Because my body gets a lot of that with all the bike riding I do .
                        On that note the fall probably a good time to do a lot of riding . With all the farms starting to harvest their crop's , the leaves will begin to change colours. So there will be a lot to see and take pictures of . Its been a long time since I have seen a real fall . Not to forget the football to watch when I can . Need to find out what radio station Michigan Wolverine's air their games . Ops ,sorry that is a note to my self ,did not for that to get in there . Thanksgiving is not to far away , I haven't done one of those in some time . I do have that to look toward to .
                       You see , the reason I went trough this exercise today is , I found myself at an loss for what am I going to next when got up this cold and chilly mourning . I wondered what am going to do to make some progress . It will be going slow , but I now realize I made some strides towards getting on my own two feet . One tends to forget progress is always slow going . You just have to find ways to stay focussed . So what will I do today before work . It looks like we may get some rain today . I do hope it stay's clear enough for me to ride my bike to work . Well looks like I will make some coffee and sandwiches . And settle in and read till its time to go .