LOST CHANCES THAT NEVER COME BACK

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        Well the reason I show this picture of this train , is twenty -two years ago I used to take my daughter and sister to play on this train and in the park it is located in quite often . This was at a time when my only function and aim was to be dad . I never thought I would ever play this role before her birth . I was like most of us living for the moment . I did not really have any plans or even thought of mapping out a future . Family man was far from my thoughts , but that all changed the day she came into this would . When finally held her for the first time , there was this little life in my hands . Suddenly at that instant had this responsibility thrust upon me . There were no classes , manual , test or license to get , there was live in my hands requiring me to nurture her , feed her , clothe her , diaper duty to pull . A multitude of tasks requiring my attention .
            During the first few years of her little life I joyfully did my daddy duty . My weekends were planed around her . Going to parks , the beach so she could explore an show me sea shells she would find , carnivals and the like . Oh yes don't forget the happy meals you had to get when you passed by that place . It was well let up so that every smart kid could see it and start their chant " Micky D's " .There were the times when I use to lift weights at home . My little girl would embarrass me into lifting on days I did not feel up to it . Even better yet I would be working on the the car she would have to help me . Hand me tools I did not need , you would hear her say I'm helping daddy . She was daddy's girl .

             Then one day all that experience and what could have followed was taken from not just once by her mother but three times . the reason are neither or there . I wish not open old wounds , mainly mine. I feel lost a lot of experience and growing up . I mean not just by her but the growing up you do as both your child  and you get older . You learn from each other . You gain some wisdom from the experiences you have from the things the child puts you through . You can see this wisdom that is gained in other parents by the way they carry themselves . Lord , the conversations that I could not participate in because my experiences were rather limited .
               The reasons I reflect on this another fathers day is about to pass me by , I will hear a lot of people tell me happy fathers day . In my mind my lost chance to feel all the emotions that a parent has as their child grows up . The first crush , learning to ride bike , first date , proms and all the things that come up through the coarse of life . Oh yes the biggie The father ,daughter talk .
               All this was stolen from me by her mother by many different tactics . It kills me when see a mother using child as way to hurt the father . Don't mothers realize that they are not just hurting the father ,but they also stealing the chance of their child getting to help their dad to grow up with them .
               I know as your reading this that your thinking you could have fought harder for your rights . I say at what cost . By the fight you could end up doing more damage to the father child relationship . What purpose would there be to make the mother look bad and ending up looking bad just by the act .
               All I know that as I get older I think about the life that could have been . That is my emotions to deal with as I see others having these experiences in their life .I just help but think how much our lives could be different if It was allowed for me to be a part of it . We would know each other better and might have a closer relationship .  Shoot maybe she would of helped in keeping me from making some poor choices that have made in the past . All I can do from here is be the best person I can be and try to build a better life . This blog maybe the wrong place to express these thoughts ,but if it can help some young man in keeping from making some bad choices . It may make this worth expressing . Thank you for listening .