Some coffee ,a bike ride , hot dogs and thoughts

             Yep , today is better day for me . Off work the sun is out , had a nice mourning bike ride and now in town at a coffee shop . I have had few good days at work to , What really nice my home town is really quite , I am sitting at tables outside , sipping on my coffee and enjoying a muffin . From where I sitting I can see everything going on downtown . Its funny when I was in Charlotte NC , I always said I was going uptown . Really don't see to much happening here . A little bit of traffic , few people going to and fro about their business . May maybe you might see a few people stopping and chatting .
                I sitting in a cool spot at these bistro table outside the coffee shop . I am really the only one at the shop other than the people who work here . Since I moved back to the town I finished high school at . I really have not run into to many people who remember me . Although Sunday at church this old guy remembered I built the sign out front around 38 years ago . That kinda helped feel a little proud , some one remembered something I did . Shoot , here I am calling someone an old guy , I am pretty much one my self . Although I do still try to do things as if I am not , my body  reminds of that I am not at times . 
             When riding in I took one of the side roads that took me into town the back way . It was mostly dirt roads all the way . Didn't see to many people ,other than a tractor mowing the edges of the road and maybe a truck or two . It was all corn , soy fields and woods all the way . The side road in town had lots of old houses on them . There was a rather large farming operation on the way in also . Lots large barns, silo's , and some heavy duty farm equipment . Having graduated high school here it should seem normal to me , but remember I left some thirty-five years ago . 
                  Motorcycle's are a big thing here , you a lot big Harleys all around . And because all the rivers and lakes , you see a lot of kayaks and bass boats . What am I thinking , this is the Great Lakes State . 
                  The one thing I am a little apprehensive about is winter ,it is not far away . Yes know its got little to go till it gets here . The leaves on the trees are still green , they have not even started to change . That would be wonderful to see . I have been to far south for to long I guess .
                  Well I am adding to this post , its the end of the ride for me today . Rode  total of twenty seven miles today . Ten miles into town for some coffee and shopping . Took my time for that . Then of all things I rode about eight and half miles just to get two hot dogs and coke . It was at Station 66 on Mich Route 66 , and they were not any hotdogs . They were what they called Battle Creek dogs . They had smoked bacon , yes I said it bacon , grilled onions and cheese sauce , mmmm . The ride most relaxing and it was such a nice day for a ride . There is something to be said about what a bike ride in the county can do for your spirit .  There was great looking landscape and nice blue sky with some puffs of clouds in the sky . It didn't hurt that at the places I stopped at there were some nice looking ladies too . Saw a lot of tractors and trucks a long the ride . Oh yes , the motorcycles were out in force . This is a far cry from the city where I came from . Since I came back here to Michigan I have been more relaxed and calmer .It been a good change , still have a long way to go get where I was before . It will come in time .

Here's to felling lost

          This mourning when I woke up was a little cold , which is probably normal for Michigan this time of year . I really don't know for sure , the last real fall I experienced was in 1983 . That's when left , to go south with no real plan for my future . That may be the reason the reason my life is in the shape its in now . Living in a camper trailer ,a bike for transportation , and working a low wage job . I have no one to blame for my choice's but myself .
           I have to work tonight , and find myself with not much to occupy my with . I am living on my brothers farm so there not much here that belongs to me . I only just started the rebuilding process , so I don't have much of my own here . Can't really touch much of my money , because I need to save to get better transportation ,winter clothes that I do not have , and most important a place of my own to live . These are my short term goals . So there are a lot of things I must first think of before I do anything else .
               So there is the problem , a lot of down time , with not much of my own to occupy it with . School started , so my brother had start work again . So I guess the bailing hay is done for now . I spent the last three day's now mowing the three acres of lawn to occupy my time . It was very calming on the riding lawn mower . The reason I am writing about this is I Found my self feeling lost ; wondering what am I going to do with my time . I am also trying not to be to much in the way of my family here . At the same time I am doing my best to be helpful to them . Let's be honest , right now I probably be living on the streets with nothing to my name without their help . For that I very grateful and humbled . I really in my heart do not want to let them down , so each step I take must be the right choice  , and stick and be towards to goal of being on my own two feet .
                    My brother came up with a project for the winter , build a couple of wood strip canoes . I like the idea . But first things first before I come up with a couple of hundred dollars for this . My other needs come first . None the less I willcome up with the money to do this . I would love to have my own single man canoe next spring . Go out on the river and lake do some exploring ,take pictures and maybe some fishing to . The fishing I really have done to much of in my life . I guess could Learn on the job . I have tried a couple of times in Florida and really sucked at it . Now that I am older maybe I now have patience for it . Who knows I maybe good at it .
                     Another thing I could do that don't cost much is get back into my reading . There are a lot books around the farm that my dad left behind . He loved to read ,if there was something he wanted to know he bought a book about and read it . I guess I could do the same thing with my time . The mind is a tearable thing to waste , I might well exercise it to . Because my body gets a lot of that with all the bike riding I do .
                        On that note the fall probably a good time to do a lot of riding . With all the farms starting to harvest their crop's , the leaves will begin to change colours. So there will be a lot to see and take pictures of . Its been a long time since I have seen a real fall . Not to forget the football to watch when I can . Need to find out what radio station Michigan Wolverine's air their games . Ops ,sorry that is a note to my self ,did not for that to get in there . Thanksgiving is not to far away , I haven't done one of those in some time . I do have that to look toward to .
                       You see , the reason I went trough this exercise today is , I found myself at an loss for what am I going to next when got up this cold and chilly mourning . I wondered what am going to do to make some progress . It will be going slow , but I now realize I made some strides towards getting on my own two feet . One tends to forget progress is always slow going . You just have to find ways to stay focussed . So what will I do today before work . It looks like we may get some rain today . I do hope it stay's clear enough for me to ride my bike to work . Well looks like I will make some coffee and sandwiches . And settle in and read till its time to go .

IRRELEVANT

                Well , this mourning I am sitting here drinking my coffee waiting for the mourning dew to dry off , so I can Finnish mowing the lawns . There is something relaxing about being on that riding lawn mower . The nothing to think about but steering it safely around the yard . You have nothing time to let your mind go where it wants to go or needs to go . While on there , there is not a lot of demands of your attention ; so it can be pretty narrow . Good therapy for you , especially for me with all that am trying to recover and rebuild from . I guess you can call it a form of meditation .
                    The past two days I spent a couple of hours each working on the yard . I felt relaxed and ready for my bike ride into work and work it self . At the of the day I felt good of myself , although when I played down my eyes would not close for the life of me . I just laid there wide awake . But on the other hand if I did I would missed the clear sky last night . You could the stars every where , not a cloud blocking them , not forget about listening to the crickets and frogs singing their songs . At one point I could hear a bunch of dogs of in the distance  , some one must of been hunting raccoon or something . It sounded like they had something treed or surrounded . Amazing the things you can hear out here on the farm or see in the night sky .  Kind of makes all the past problems and the things that your going through to solve them irrelevant . I guess you can say I am making progress .

Making it count

               Well yes it has been a few days since my last post . I have been kind of busy though ,helped my brother with the hay in the field , a unsuccessful bike where I ended up trying to out run a thunderstorm back to the farm ; I just made made it . When I got to the farm it had been raining for about five minutes and could hear lighting in the back ground . Monday I finally made that Thirteen mile ride that had tried on Saturday . It was a pleasant and quick ride , did it in two hours . Past two days I have been busy with work and mowing my brothers yard . I got started to early , I should have waited a little longer for the dew to burn off .
                   You know that's a little problem I have , sometimes I can be a little inpatient . I find with most things I do . I just get busy , at times I just get started to early or I try to rush to get it done . There is a right time to start things , and sometimes you just have wait a little for the right time . I am finding that with starting over . There many steps you have take and some steps pop up that you don't plan on . And before you go on you have take care of them before you continue on your plan . Always must at the ready for the unexpected to slow you down . Just don't let it stop you from reaching the ultimate goals .
                    Yes it has been slow going for me , but this time will be and must be last time I go through this . So I must be sure each step will be a solid step , and anyone I let in my life must be someone wort knowing . I can't let things in things or people in that can impede my progress . The time is now making the best decisions possible . I do not have time to make one step forward and two back  . Everyone I take must count .

To Cat or not to Cat

               Today , I kind of feel good about my progress in moving with my life . This week I have able to move around independently , because of my evening able to ride around on my bike . I checked out where some apartments are at around town , I also applied for a second job . ( It will take two jobs to get on my feet again , and lots of sacrifice's on my part ) . I also yesterday loaded up a wagon of hay by myself . They meant I drove the tractor around the field with hay wagon and picked the bails and loaded them ,stacked them by myself . got most of the field done in a couple of hours .
                 Thanks to all this activity I am finally losing my stomach , my abs around showing up after being AWOL for so many years . My pants are starting to get lose in the waist .
                 This week I also walked around the field and found where the deer been hanging out at . That same day at night I saw about eight deer on the hill near there . I walked up to them and got about a couple of hundred feet of them before they bolted . I believe things are going to be alright before the end of the year . Hopefully I will be where I can have a pet . I am thinking a cat maybe two . It don't take much effort to care for them and when what your attention they will come to you . You just have to put out food and water for them when needed . When they're kittens they can be a lot fun to play with .
                     See this why I think things are going to get better is because I am making some kind of plans to the future . OK , maybe they are not big plans but they are plans none the less . I have not forgotten my plan to build a canoe over the winter . Progress is being made it may not be in a grand scale , but it is being made .

It's going to be a long hard ride

               Well been riding my bike to work now for a week , starting feel like I am in better shape also . Today took a ride into town for some lunch , stopped by job and checked out where some apartments are . I think the ride today was about fifteen miles . I took the long way back to the house which took me my cousin's house . It wouldn't have been right to pass by and not chatted with the a while . So I did , it was a welcome rest , good conversation , not mention the air-conditioning felt good . When left there it was only a ten minute ride . All in all its been a good day .
                I have making strides to get back own two feet , hopefully this other job comes through ,I could be in my own place before winter sets in .I come to the realization that it will take two jobs to get on my feet . It ain't like I can count on the lottery to save the day , it would be nice but it not gonna happen . One can always dream about it though . I so want to repay my family for what help they have given me and then some . I hope to do this one day .
                  I can say this I am more positive about the future now , than was six months ago . It seemed as though there was no way out , that doomed to that existence . I now there is always a way out , you just have to be willing to make the move .

Here's to felling good about me

             Well , yesterday was a good day , I would say .  I walked 5 miles into town . Then did the same 5 miles back . Some might say it wasn't because of the distances , comments I  might hear is I wouldn't do that or something of that nature . That's just it I am not you , I needed to do something on my own , to feel a little freedom . Do something , where I did not depend on family to get me around . It felt good , got a sandwich at a little shop , took care of little business while there . On the way back got a ice cream cone to nibble on , on the way back . Its amazing that how the little things can just feel so good .
                In the spirit of this little bit of freedom , I bought me a seven speed cruiser to ride around on . Took it for test this afternoon , and it rides good . This will do till have  a better transportation solution . May go into town for coffee in the mourning , we will see . My family will not let ride it to work though , they don't want me on these country roads at night . I can see there point , people drive these roads like its a race track . Progress is being made toward my independence . It is my hope to out on my own again by spring at the latest .
                    I have my brothers garden looking good , been working on it every day for last week except the past two days , the ground has been too wet . Maybe tomorrow . I also started on the horse shoe pits , all that is left is put sand in them and drive the stakes in. Then maybe will get some games in before the snow falls . Which may not be long . They telling me they do not look for that bad of a winter . I hope so . I really not ready for my first winter in over thirty years . Progress is really happening for me , It not going as fast as I would like , but it happening none the less .

Just off on another tangent , oh how the mind wonders

                Well , it's a sunny day here ;when the clouds are not in the way . It rain steadily through out the night . So the soil in the garden was very moist this mourning . Some mud stuck to Mr favorite slides while working in it . The garden is starting to look like something .
                  Its  hard to believe I have been here in Michigan a month already . In that month I have baled and put in the barn a lot of hay , driven a tractor , started working in my brothers garden ( its starting to look good too ) , started working a job in the evenings . I pulled an old ten speed out of the garage all needs is inner tubes and will be rideable . May start doing some bike riding when get the chance before winter sets in . Going to work on getting a permit to ride a scooter in state , because I should be able to get a scooter in about another four weeks . I will be able to get around on my own soon .
                 My tells me we should have one more cutting of hay to do  before this season is over. If I am not in good shape before the year is up something is wrong with me . I finally realized that this is going to be the first real winter I have experienced in over thirty years . I mean like real snow that lasts more than a couple days , single digest temperatures that last more than a few hours . That is something I can't wait for and at the same time can do without . I know that I have got to work on getting some winter clothes and a warm coat . I have a lot to with a short time to do it in . Also my brother and I are planning to build a couple of strip canoes over the winter . It looks like my plate full for the next year . I must also work on a more permanent transportation and living solution during all this . So much think about and do , when you starting over , most of all I have stay on track . I have do it in a way that sticks . No room for a relationship , well maybe a cat or dog , but that's it .
                       As I writing this , I am sitting in a screened in room on the back of house , that looks on the barns , gardens , hay field and the trailer I now stay in . Its not much but the trailer is comfortable right now for sleeping , with the cool wind blowing in . Back to the screened  in room , the cool breeze and temperature feels good and the nice view in front of me . I am stress free , unlike over a month ago . I now have a clear picture of what's ahead , I not wondering what drama is coming my way today . I still have to some work my other project I have trying to get started to the past couple of years . Now that the drama is gone I can do something about it . Maybe by my being busy it will push me closer to working on it .
                          By my trying to be active , I will find the time to do everything , and possibly meet the right kind of people that need to be in my life . While sitting here working this blog another thought came to me , cross country skiing  . How hard is that and will I enjoy it . Another thing to think about is the cost to get started . Will it be worth the money for me to invest to find out if I like it .I will have to check .
                          I have also noticed in the past month , now that am posting an entry in my blog I have been getting more hits . I say thank you all whom been reading them . I do invite all of you post comments , they very welcome .

Possibilities are endless

         Its just simply amazing , When I got off work and got home . We just looked up at the night sky and really took a good look as we got out the car . The stars were just shining so bright and there just so many of them . There's not even a cloud in the sky for them to hide behind . I could see the big dipper clear as day .
             Its a nice cool and comfortable night , heck the mosquitoes are not out dive bombing you as you are staring at the sky . All you can hear are the crickets , toad's and the cows on the neighboring farm mooing . The only thing you can hear of civilization is the occasional car coming down the road in front of farm .
               With that to come home to , how can things not get better for me . Notice how positive my posts have been getting since I moved back home . I already know what my week has in store for me , work every night at the restaurant , Wednesday have to bail and put in the barn .
                  It plain and simple this is where I should have been all the long . Here in the country ,with family , in a place I know best . With this that is in the evening sky ,how can anyone say there is not a better life waiting for me . As in the sky , as it here on our little blue planet the possibilities are endless .

Lots to look forward to

              Well on my way back , got my first paycheck , turned on my phone and have new number . Started my third week on new job , work tonight and had the past two days , got plenty of rest ; ready to get started again .
               Have plan place for to move forward . Need to take it one step at a time . I need not rush this to where I screw things up . Keep my eye work and getting my life on track . The rest will fall place by itself . Have something planned to occupy my time this winter . No time to just hang out , just have time for getting it together . I don't have time the stuff I put up with the past . Either your with me or not , if not bye don't need you.
               So far living out here on the farm has been good for me . Lots of hard work , plenty of rest and the quiet of the evenings and days for that matter . They all have been wonderful . The support I am getting from my family has been wonderful . Not mention the support of my many friends on my social networks I belong to .
                 Today is such a nice day , I slept in a little , have to work tonight . My brother getting some hay cut today and I thought it was time for another entry . Really don't have much more to say . Though I looking my brother's grandson ride his tractor around the yard . He cute with His little green and yellow John Deer that drives till the batteries die . Ain't family great .
                    Looking forward to Thanksgiving it will be first time I celebrated it in years , it will wonderful to do it with family . Hope sister can come out  this fall , it will be great seeing her . My little girl who isn't so little might come up this coming summer with her daughter and husband . Lot's to look forward to .