HOW FAR ?

                             How many remember those long drives we use to make with our families when we were children . The question we use to drive our parents with " ARE THERE YET? ". Or how about the "I'M NOT TOUCHING YOU " that use to torture Our siblings with . Then there was every twenty minutes with the "I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM " . Last but least is the " IS IT TIME TO EAT YET ? " .

                                  Now that we are adults we are probably  getting same from our children and grandchildren . We are realizing how annoying we were to our parents then . We do do get irritated with it though , but in the back of our minds we can't help but laugh at it . All the time remembering I did that .
                                   Here's another thing that we use to to do to our elders when where very young . " IN THE OLD DAYS DID YOU HAVE __________ ? " . Nothing can be more true now than ever now a days . Kids now a days can not even imagine not having all the technology at their finger tips , which we didn't have . All we had was our imagination as we grew up . Shoot when I was in school hi-tech was a Texas instrument calculator , which in most cases we were not allowed to have in school .
                                   We actually went outside to play with the neighborhood kids and found things to do . Yes at times we did get into trouble at times . This was also a time when every looked out for each other . You also had people actually calling our parents telling where they seen us and what we were doing .
                               Now a days  kids can not get along with out their hi-tech devises . I believe most children are missing out on an important part of growing up . Also this gave us our exercise we needed growing up . The pick baseball ,football ,kick ball ,basketball games . Or how about the games of tag or hide and go seek . We always found a way to entertain our self's .
                             We had so much fun growing up , doing things that seem so simple now .

JUST SOME QUESTIONS AND THOUGHTS

• Tell me am I fooling my self ? 
• Are people really reading my blog ?
• Do I really have something to say ,that people are willing to read ?
• Is my idea for a Great American Novel a pipe dream ?
• Do I really have it in me to do this ?
• Is this just another project I get started on and don't follow through on ?
• When will I know and realize that I can complete this project ? 
• These are just some of the many questions I have been asking myself . I started doing searches on Roman history and Culture . I am finding it a interesting read . I have written about many things and have had a lot of people clicking on my blog and few response's . Most were encouraging and positive . The plus ones even gave me some motive to go on . I do know that when I always start on a some thing new in my life I always run into a period of questioning as to is it really worth me trying . Am I wasting my time and money . Is this normal behavior , I have no idea . Right now all I am doing is just venting to get it of my chest . I do find that doing this in some way even no one reads it kinda helps . I am sitting drinking my coffee and listening to the news this early mourning . Its chilly outside as to be expected with this time of year . I am still tempted to open my door to let some air in . Cool crisp air can be refreshing and I find it helps give me some newly found energy ,even helps in clearing my mind giving me a new sense in direction . Am wrong wanting to question myself ? I just need to know that I am not traveling down a road to nowhere . What good is doing something if no good comes of it . I know that the road to success is paved with failure .Its not the the failure that bothers me , its the not following through that gets me . I have started many things and never followed through .This may be the main reason that I am where I at in life . I am facing the fact that I am ultimately responsible for my successes and failures and not following through . Writing this down just makes more concrete . Maybe by seeing it print may give me the motivation to continue . I know my project may take a lot of my time and effort . It also may take a lot of time to see results . 
• When do you know when you have done enough preparation ? I know I have only been working on this a couple of weeks . It will take some time for me to know the subject . You can study a subject a life time ;there will always something knew to learn about it . There always be new coming out about any given subject discovered everyday . So it becomes a constant learning experience . Please excuse my going of in a tangent , this just an exercise in discovering what i know about what needs to be done  . This is just a effort in self realization . A way to figure out do I really have what it takes to complete this .
• And so its time for me to end this exercise . I believe I have asked my self all the relevant questions that I can think of at the moment . So leave this blog to what is . Only time can tell . So I will see you again as continue writing this blog and keep reading and looking for more resources . May even look for some college classes on the topics involved .
• I thank you ,who are reading this for listening to meaningless meanderings .

SOME LESSONS ARE LEARNED THE HARD WAY

                    Yes, when I joined the Air Force I was young but I thought I knew it all . Man I was in for an awaking . I made it through basic alright ;probably barely , The fact is I made with thew help and guidance of my drill instructor . During basic I disliked so much because he was always on our case . He would sit us down and lecture us on our responsibilities as adults in life . Now that I am very much older I know now I should have listened a little closer . But as they say hind sight is 20/20 ; but that is all gone now . I blogged earlier about my D.J.ing and some Friends of mine . I never mentioned the girl that was to become my first wife .
                   I met her on Sunday , a buddy of mine dragged me to the woman's barracks to watch some football games in one of the pods day room . This where I met her . Sonja . I pretty much just set at the end of the sofa ,staying to my self and watching the game .She by the end of the afternoon was kinda mad at me because I did not notice her . After the games were over all of went to the chow hall for some dinner .While there we all decided to go to the N.C.O. club for drinks . This is where  Sonja informed me she was upset at me for not giving her the time of day . This where we just started talking and ended up talking all night .Come to find out we were in the same unit . She had been watching for some time ,cause her shop was across the street from mine .Well we hung out together from then on , I even introduced her to the gang I had been hanging out with when I disc jockeyed on most nights . As time we come to the conclusion we should get married . One day the first Sargent had told her that I wasn't going to marry her . Well I did any way . Shortly afterward we got orders to go to Germany . After a year or so there was some strain on our marriage and she wanted to ended it .
                  Now that am much older I do not blame her for our troubles , I now realize that a lot of it rested on my shoulders . Another reason is we got married for all the wrong reasons and we were definitely to young . The happiness that we had together was all an illusion ,we were just kids playing house . Doing the things we thought would make each other happy . She let get my toys , a four wheel drive which we both enjoyed going mudding and hill climbing . Then there was the sound system that I had put together .All the albums that we bought . We just were enjoying our selves not  realizing there was something missing . But it all came to an end . I often wonder where she ended up and how she is doing . But I know the odds of that happening are slim to none . It would nice to able to tell her I hold no ill feelings toward her . In fact I remember her fondly and only wish that she has lived the best life possible .

LAST NIGHTS FULL MOON

             I live and work in the Charlotte NC area and I work a third shift . We have this super storm affecting the east coast . Well last night while at work at around 4:30 am I stepped outside a moment just to see what the weather was like . I looked up at the sky I saw nothing but dark clouds covered the and the breeze was kicking up making it a little chilly .  There was just this little window in the clouds and the full moon was peeping through the opening .
             I thought it looked cool so took a picture of it with the only camera I had available at the time . Which the camera on my android phone .This is the photo I came up with . As with any weather system there are those moments you just got have a camera to take those photo's of the opportunity's that mother nature provides us with . Yes I know the quality is not that great but I did the beat with what I had .
              I now know that I need to get a better camera and carry it with me at all times for those moments that catch you by surprise .
             All being said I still think I did a pretty good job with what I had .

THE HARDEST PART OF THE DAY

                          What I consider the hardest part of the day when at work is getting there . I am often being heard saying that the hardest part is over getting here . There is actually really a lot of work involved in doing this . First you have to make sure your alarm clock set to wake you up. That alone is not enough to get you to work . You have to get it in your mind and heart that you will get out of the bed when that clock goes off . If you are like me my favorite part on the alarm clock is the snooze button .
                          Okay now that your are awake your mind may be willing to get out of that ever so comfy bed , but your body may fighting all the way . This what call the wrestling match with the mattress , there are times that it seems that the mattress seems like its going to win. Now that you won that fight probably because you smelled that wonderful brew called coffee . That aroma some finds it way to your room .
                   Your on your feet and go through your daily ritual to get ready for work . You get cleaned up , find your cloths and get dressed .make sure you have your phone ,keys ,wallet ,all the things you will need when you walk out the door .You check the news so you can hear the weather report and traffic report so that you can have an informed commute to work . All this you have done to get out that door .
                     Now your ready for the trip to work ,be whether you drive , walk , or ride the bus . Now comes all that you have to go through to get to where you are going . Remember you joining thousands on the road who are trying to the same . So there will be accidents that will occur . Then the traffic back ups because of the rubber neck and lookie loo's . So there will be some loss in time hopefully you left early enough to where it will not make much difference , if not your late .
                    Here we are at the parking lot . Your thinking mm its not to late no one has seen me I still can go home . You work through this and walk through the front door to get started with your work day . Now do  you see why I say getting there is the hardest part the day . Look at all you just went through to get there . Now realize you do this five days a week , 52 weeks a year then multiply this by the number of years you already have worked . Once you get past all this and hit the time clock ; it's all down hill from there . Do not feel guilty over that doughnut and coffee you got on the way , this is your reward to yourself for a job well done .

MUSIC ; DANCING ; AND GOOD FRIENDS

             Back when I was stationed at Castle A.F.B. near Atwater Calif. When I first got there I was A rather quite person . In short time I would eventually find my way to the Airman's club . I would sit in the corner have my beer and just watch much like I did at the bars back home . After a couple nights like this , Jeff Van Etten ; whom turned out to be the D.J. . He asked me one night to help him set up his equipment for the show . Which I did , before I knew it he had me running the light show .The next thing I knew I was doing the light show every night . Soon I was turning the disc's ,keeping the dance floor full. 
               I found this was a great why to wind down . We played both Disco and Rock and Roll but not in the same night though .Soon after this my circle of friends began to grow . There was Edward ,the Jersey boy , Trouble the dancer from Lima Ohio and the local girls Evelyn and Jackie everyone' dance partners . Those are just a few of the gang . 
             Every Friday and Saturday night we would meet a the club and dance all night long . I would be have a blast on stage with the show . We would have puppets , sound effects and so many  different lighting effects .All this was before computers .I would have make all the lighting changes by hand . Which would keep me busy . This is when I really learned to really listen to the music .
            Sometimes the gang would meet at lake Yosemite just outside Merced . We would cook out ,swim enjoy ,the sun and pull out the tape player and work on our dance moves right there on the grass. These were memorable times . Everything in our lives at that time seemed to center around the music and the lake . Always laughing and having a good time . It was with this group of friends that broke out my shell and gained a serious interested in music . Shoot I even thought about becoming a full time disc jockey , Off course this never came to be . Except when I pull out my records and jam when I am alone in my home . When doing this I burn off a lot of stress , one side effect is that I have a good time doing this .I often wondered what has happened to these people whom I lost track when got transferred to West Germany . 

A MOMENT

              Our life's are full of millions of moments . Just what is it that makes one moment more memorable than others . Why do we remember some more than others including the bad ones . Why are there some we never recall even when we are reminded of them by others . Then there are those that we get completely wrong altogether .Over the past seventy or so I have recalled many moments in time in my life .
             But this is the purpose of my my blog any way . In one of my first blogs I stated that we now live in a time that we are fortunate enough to leave behind more than just a few photos , a birth certificate and maybe a few documents of our accomplishments . We can through our endeavors in life leave a lot more about our selves . We got Facebook ; Twitter ; Google + ; and many other outlets that we can leave something behind about we we are what we like or even blog about our experiences .
             So hundreds of years from if some one went digging in to their family history the can find a wealth of information about who we are ,what we thought and a lot of health information and so forth . We can not go through a day with out leaving some kind of information about what we did ,where we went or even what we ate . Just about every thing is logged on a computer in some way .
              That's the main reason that I go through this exercise , its that I want to leave a little more about my self so my decedents can find a little more about me . So that they can have an idea of what I believe ,how lived , what kind of work I did . So I say blog on, Leave more than a picture .

HOPES AND DREAMS

                         When my father moved us to Michigan ; before he went to Vietnam in 1968 I was only 13 . I just moved up from Cub Scouts to a regular Boy Scout troop ; ; it had been maybe six months after that we had went Michigan . This was a culture shock for me , after living in military housing near a large Navy base in Rhode Island . We where living in Middletown there . On Saturday afternoons we could go for a walk on base to look at all the large ships at dock . I remember once seeing a large air craft carrier come to dock . It was no small sight to see for a young boy .

                       Well back to my story . Here he moved us to this house out in the middle of nothing but cornfields .It was in this house that learnt about gardening and country living . Mom got me this dog whom became my best  ,her and I were inseparable . We would walk through the field after a fresh snow had just fallen and she would just run ahead ,just having a blast.Which would in turn rub of me .It was here that the idea came to my head that I wanted to build some thing . I had no idea what I wanted to build though .That was also the year I joined 4-H . It was in 4-H that I learnt about carpentry . There was this old one room school house down the road for the meetings . I will never forget that old wood stove that we had get fired up for heat . The first year there I did a woodworking project for this . It nothing but this simple toolbox . I remember our group leader had us working real hard on it . He would have us ever so carefully hand cut each piece , completely hand sand each piece before he would even let us think about putting it together . It seemed like it was taking us forever to build this thing . He turned this simple project in to a couple of months long . The day finally came when we drilled ,glued and finally drive the wood screws in . By hand of course . It turned out to be a fine toolbox which I treasured for years .
                    That's when I decided I wanted to build things when I grew up . I spent the rest of school days learning about the trades . Went in the Air Force to continue in the trade . For the many years afterward I had worked in trades in capacity or other . Concrete ; Boats ,; Signs ; Electrical;; Stone ; Metal Fabrication ; Under ground Utilities .Well I guess I can say I built something when I grew up .
                    Now that I work in food service I can look back and say I did follow my dream . Every day when I go to work I can still look at some of handy work . For I helped build the marble entry way at the hospital that I work at . I believe it gives me the feeling that I made a lasting personal investment in the place that I work . Some where on the back of one the marble slabs my name is chiseled in it . If your proud of what you have done ,you should be proud enough to put your name on it . So I guess I can say I fulfilled those dreams of that young boy those many years ago . Now its on to some new hopes and dreams ,what ever they may be .

ITS A SUNNY DAY

           Well I just got off work and it so nice out I am sitting with door open to air out the place .I have a little busy to post and kinda wanted to wait for Donald Trumps earth shattering announcement . Which turned out to be in my mind a bust . I though he might have something to say that might change things but it was the same ole ,same ole hot air .
   Can turn on the news without the handicapper's trying to show us where the votes are needed to come from for them to win the election as if its a horse race .Then there is the murders of ambassadors all over  the news and all the questions about how it was handled or mishandled . Every day there are new facts coming out about this everyday . All these couch potato quarterback's putting their two cent worth in . My question is why don't they call it what it is . this all smells of cover up . Did this get the way of the campaign because it got the way of their talking points .
         The election day is not that far away and we are bombarded with politics all over TV . I will be glad when this is all over and the results are in ; so that we will definitely will know what to expect the next four years  . The not knowing is the hard part .I can say this much ; I already put my vote in . It is my hope that when all the questions are answered , that things will improve and get a lot better no matter who wins . I just want to see who ever is there will do their job and lead the country and not tell us what they are going to give us . I want to see an open government . I do not want to see them to continue doing our business behind closed doors . The people should know how they are going to take care of our business .
             Enough of that because it is such a nice day , the sun is up ,blue skies and a cool breeze blowing . It feels to good to waste it on politics . Other that to say if you can vote early its a good day out if you have stand in line to do it . So go and vote if you can there are no excuses for you not to . Lets send a clear message we the people do care what happens in our country . VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE !!!!!!!!

WHY DO WE OFTEN ; PUT UP WITH THE THINGS THAT WE DO !

                       This is is a very deep topic ; just because of the varied area's of our life that it may cover . A lot of things we have no choice in the matter because of we may have no control over .
                      A lot of them we put up with because of our age and the wisdom that comes with it . Some of us have learned to pick our battles and have learned other ways of dealing with them .Lets just face it though there are those who never learned . Others learn when it's to late .
                  Me before I react I measure the drama that could result from it and make decision on weather the resulting drama is worth the risk . You could lose a lot as a result . Potential  losses ; friends , job , even the love of a close one . It all boils down to what you are willing to let go . By doing so we may even gain more than we thought . One thing I know is I will not lose my self respect because of a public display of misplaced emotion .Others may think less of me , but they do not have me staring back in the mirror at them ; I do .
                 Some times its a case of just being civil . There are ways we must act in given situations and places . One thing we must never act in anger but make deliberate steps to handle things .It does not matter what others think afterwards . they will not have to live with the results . People will always be full of " You should have advice " , but they they may need to take a closer look at their lives . The advice they give may be the reason they are where they are at or its some they would not even do them self . People generally give out that advice wouldn't follow it them self .
                 All in all How we live our life and respond in certain cases is all up to us and what we are willing to walk away from and live with . So I will continue being who I am and make my own decisions . I will be ultimately be the one who faces the music for what I do or don't do .

DEAR MOM

               Well mom its early in the mourning right now . I believe I already determined that there is Internet in the afterlife . Shoot , we just sit in front of a screen with a key board in front of it , and we pull all this content out thin air . Surely you all must be able to intercept it somehow . You all probably had it before we did .
                I still miss those weekly talks on the phone about what is happening in the world . Today we would have a lot to talk about . Things around the world have gotten crazy . Governments on the verge of bankruptcy , wars around the world { just take your pick } ; and this election season is so critical for our country right now . For its in a mess right now . The heck of it is it depends on what news agency that you pay attention to ; what facts you get and how they view them . We owe trillions dollars and some say every thing is okay . An ambassador gets murdered and they still are not giving the full story . Food .Gas , Rent , Let just say it ; every thing has gone up but wages . And next year our taxes are to go up right along with the cost of health care . There seems to be nothing done about it . Remember how you taught us that we can not survive with out a budget to go by , Hell Washington has not been able to come up with one in years ; they just keep on borrowing it and wasting it .The problem is who to vote on . We have no real choice's for decades .
              Shoot ; you can't really publicly talk about your views without some one getting offended and ending up in a argument . The facts are there but its all in how you view them and who's telling them . You never can get the straight story . But all I know is what I see ,costs going up ,taxes about to go up , making less money on the job and about to get less of it because of the taxes . There is no end in sight to all this going on in the world .  Mom thanks for listening ; I needed to get that off my chest .

WHAT IS STILL POSSIBLE

             MMMMM......That is a thought , exactly what is still possible . Well there are many things in life that is possible  ; as long as the still another breath in our lungs we still have options . We can still love and live as long as we do that the rest will follow. Ten years ago I would never have thought that I would be sitting in front of laptop writing this blog that I pour my thoughts into , or even contemplating writing my great American novel .
                Any thing is possible ; we just have to make that first step . Get up out of bed and go out of that front door and see what the world has waiting for you . We some times have to get out of our comfort zone to see what we are capable of .We never know till we face adversity what we can do . All it takes is to take that first step . You can't think that all these successful people got there without taking that leap of faith . I know I am taking a big leap of faith by revealing so much about my thought processes in my blogs . This week I going to take anther step in a leap of faith I going to start to do some research this weekend for that novel I have been talking about .
             Every day we make some kind of leap of faith by going out that door , getting behind the wheel of our cars . So it should not be that big of a leap to go for that next big thing ,what ever that may be for you . We have to find that sparkle in our eye for what ever it is we do . Any thing is is better than sitting there , its not going to come to you . What is possible is depends on how far you are willing to go to meet it . How far are you willing to go . I write this for me as much as want others to read it , but it is mostly for me .
       

I REMEMBER ..........

                   While growing up I remember watching the old movies and some of the new ones that came out . Also the TV specials  that came on . I believe that the people in them had some effect on who I became . I also remember my dad playing his records on Sunday afternoons with likes of Glenn Miller , Tommy Dorsey , Frank Sinatra , Dean Martin .  At the time I did not realize how much of an effect all had on me .
                     As I am getting older I have gained a appreciation for all those artists and find that I seek out those old movies and music . Nothing like a John Wayne movie to get you in a old time mood . You know when over you feel like getting up and doing that walk and the way he talked was so unique . When he spoke you knew he was in command . How a nice Italian dinner with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin serenading during the meal . While you are sitting at a table with red and white checkered table cloth , A old wine bottle with a half burnt candle in it , vase with fresh picked flowers in it and you are sitting across from your best girl            .
                   How can one forget about the Bob Hope specials at Christmas . I don't know about any one else I looked forward to those every year . Or on Saturday afternoons there would be the Tarzan movies ; Lone Ranger ; Abbot And Costello , Will Rogers and Dale Evan ; this list cold go non and on .
                  You can not tell me that all this did not have an affect on how life should be . These were my role models . Take Humphrey Bogart with his trade mark trench coat and fedora on a foggy night , the way stood there in the dim light of the lamp post ; that had to say some thing to you . Or the way Elvis Presley in his movies a guitar would just magically appear and he would go into one of his songs . Definitely how always the bad guys got what was coming to them .
                  Those things have had an affect on my view on how life should be , but as we grow up we realize  that was only in the movies . We soon realize that things are not going to that way , of coarse though there will be those brief shinning moments that you can come close .
               One refreshing thing though is you can revisit that time in your life where you had some innocence and watch those movies and listen to those records and dream again . Oh , if it were not for the memories what would we have .

MY FIRST DATING DISAPPOINTMENT

                         Yes : I was in my second year of high school . Back then I was shy and lacked some confidence . I really did not not know how to approach girls also through high school I really did not fit in with any group . I was very awkward . Shoot I was on the football team and that was it . I was the star tight end  ; tackle and guard . I sat at the end of the bench ,guarded the water bucket and tackled any one who got near it . In other wards I did not get much play time .
                       I could walk the hallways between classes and not get much notice by anyone . Yes I was an active teenager ; Boy Scouts ; Order of the Arrow ; 4-H ; and church . My grades were not all that great ; they could of been better if I had out some effort in to it . I was just a average kid in school whom thought the world was against him .
                   Through out my life to that point was spent moving around with my father because he was in the Navy . So any opportunity at having a life time friend was not there . Close friends were nonexistent .
                  Well to get on with it . There was this girl that I felt I had a crush on . I made a mistake one day in telling my sister . Boy that was a mistake . After our home football games we always held a dance  in the gym . We would get these area rock bands to play them . I would often go to them with out a date . I would do what most guys did then . Crowd the stage get into the music and try to look what we thought was cool .
               My sister one mourning encouraged me to ask this girl to one of these dances . She assured me the girl would say yes . Well it it took me a while to get up the nerve for I had never asked  girl out before . The day had come ; I had ran into in the hall in between classes . The do or die moment came . I asked her .
              Well the moment she answered my heart dropped ; I not get the answer I was looking for . Instead I got  NO . I then asked why . The next answer I got got me angrier . The reason was that she did not know how to dance .
             Now look I am not the most graceful person , I did not even know how to dance . Remember I was just a teenager . This is how I responded . ' You mean you can't go to the dance because you can't dance . Hell it took me a while to even get the courage to ask you and I can't dance . What kond of excuse is that " Then I walked away with this girl s tears .Thinking about it now it was not my best moment . Later on that day I caught hell from my sister . My mom heard the noise and found out what was up . Chewed me out for my response then turned around and told my sister to stop meddling . There have it my first dating disaster was not even a date  . Over the years I had many other let downs but I would like to think I handled them better . We learn as we go I guess its on the job training .

THINGS WE DO TO WIND DOWN

               What we do to wind down is as varied as who we are and where are at in life . How wind down also depends on where we are at and what it was we were doing . Take for instance a jogger or runner ; after a good run most do a walk down to bring them selves down . After doing some thing like that you can not just stop abruptly ,it would be bad for you with your heart rate up .
               After a good had night at work for me part of my wind down is getting a good breakfast which is easy enough for me because work in a kitchen . Then I go on to the bus ride home in which gives me a chance to wind down a little . The 3/4 mile walk from my stop to where I stay give me a chance to get some fresh air and think . I at times during this walk I talk to myself . I would definitely be if really answered myself or do I . I will never tell it . When I get in the house on comes my music this really help me relax . Shoot it helps me do pretty much every thing . It relaxes me ;motivates me ; lets just say I love that old rock and roll . Shoot I listen to it when am doing some serious thinking , even when I just don't want to think , just wanna be part of it . Or you can say veg out . It just gets me through a lot .It gets me ready for what ever comes next  So what does it take to get ready for whats next .

A LOOK INTO ................

                All my past blogs I have revealed more about me and my thoughts then I ever have before blogging . I have gone into my believe system ; my mind and my heart at times . I have only scratched the service of all that's me .As I write this blogs I never know what will inspire me or when it will come . Also by going through this exercise I am revealing things to my self .
             I know that we are ever changing beings . Who we are today may not be who we are  tomorrow or  next year for that matter . We are always learning and getting new experiences that will for ever change how we will think and act . I have always said in this blog and my many profiles that our experiences are the building blocks of who we are . If you are just sitting in stagnant state of mind you will never grow as a person . We need to get out there and get busy ; even if it means going out of your comfort zone . To tell the truth I have been on the lazy side over the past few years by waiting for the experiences to come to me . Yes ; I  need to get out there and do some thing ;anything that will get me out there .
              It seems at times I just make excuses for going here and doing that . Even if it is just flying kite on a nice spring day . Well right now that is some thing I can't do . Basketball season is here maybe I should stop saying next year I will go to a pro game and just do it . Every day I ride the bus to work on it I have noticed it hard to interact with people on it . Everyone seems to have headphones , or on there smart phones . Some just spend there time on the bus trying to look unapproachable , they just do not want to bothered . Then there are the ones who let all there business out there while on the
phone . So am not the only one that have not opened them selves to new experiences but that's no excuse for me . Well to today I have got to go out to to motivational meeting for my job . I may get something out of it . Also maybe all it will take is to go for a walk at the park that's near the the job . It's been a while that I went for a walk there just because it is there . My mind may clear and get some knew insight . I might meet some one interesting and inspirational . When go out the door you leave the predictable behind because you have no control over what happens out there . Do you really have to have a purpose to go out in the world . Can go out there and just let it surprise you and let it just place some thing in your path just to see how you react .There I go going of in a tangent , letting my mind wonder . Really all I did is sit down at my laptop let what ever just flow through my finger tips .I hope I did not bore you but isn't blogging a way of exploring who you are . A way of putting our selves on the spot . Forcing you to answer the difficult questions . Well lets see where this will lead and how I change .

A PERIOD OF MY LIFE

                      Today I am going to write about some thing that had a real profound effect on laying the ground work on part of my personality . I was in my twenty's and in the service and really on my own for the most part .  I was in the service stationed in Germany shortly after my separation for my wife from a marriage where we got married  on a whim and definitely for all the wrong reasons . I was I believe trying to find who I was . My identity so to speak .
                 I knew I was into music ; a few years earlier I disc jockeyed at the airman's club in California . Also used spend hours walking around the cornfield next door listening to the underground fm college radio stations that were around in my youth . So definitely it was in my blood .
                Well back to why I am writing today . I was always into Jim Morrison and the doors . I some how got a copy of his biography  No One Here Gets Out Alive and read it . I then became more enamored with his life and The Doors music . I bought every thing I could find with their music . I really wanted to get my hands on a copy of The American Prayer , a rare book of his poetry .  I tried to live hard fast on that fine line of sanity and insanity . My room mate at the time she thought for a time I was going to end up like Jim . Lots of heavy drinking and into some serious drugs which thankfully I was able to walk away form . I even made the pilgrimage That any true doors fan makes while in Europe . Go to this nondescript cemetery  tucked away in Paris and get drunk and stoned with Jim . What had the most influence on my musical tastes was The Doors music . Like they say once you listen to the Doors you never really the same after . I don't think it was just the music that changed me ; It was the many experiences I had while to rediscover myself along with many other things . I guess I had other things going for me , Many  other influences in my life . I believe the The Doors were just a catalyst for the changes I was going through .But thankfully I made out the alive . This period of my life among others I believe are the building blocks that make up who I am today . I still think of those days fondly some of those days are still a bit of a haze ; understandably so . None the less they were some good memories , The concerts ; festivals ; party's ; road trips and the hours spent in front of the stereo listening to my vinyl and getting wasted .It will never be again .By all means I am not glorifying that part of my life ; buy no mistake it is permanently its part of who I am .

ALL THE JOBS I HAVE EVER WORKED

                  The jobs I did are so varied it does not really make sense . When I was in high school I really wanted to build houses for a living . I really thought that was the job for me . So much so I took up building trades in vocational school while in high school .
              My first job right out of high school was at a girl scout camp as a handyman . It was a memorable experience . Which my retirement dream job came to mind a caretaker of some  camp came to mind .
            I have installed insulation ; built rafters all before I worked the job that cause me to join the Air Force . I was working at a restaurant  for some time . Then one day I got pissed off at the boss , when my mom came to pick me up from work . I told her to take me to the recruiter , I'm joining the Air Force . I profoundly said I will never work in another restaurant again , that statement will come back to haunt me .
          After doing my time in the Air force I worked many different construction jobs . Did punch lists on a apartment complex ; Built cabin cruisers ; fabricated bath tub and shower doors , worked on neon and florescent signs , on this one I do not know what caused me to take that job . I did not like heights to much ,but I overcame it . Did concrete work for a time ; did electrical work for a short while .
         I worked in under ground utilities ;Hung marble on high rises and that was the job that caused me to go back to work in in food service . I have been in food service going on now twenty years now . Remember I said a statement would come back to haunt me . Well my mother reminded me of it . I learnt one thing above all in this , NEVER SAY NEVER . Because if you do , don't worry sooner or later you will again . All in all my experience covers many areas in all this time I found that I was capable of doing what ever job I put my mind to . I have never regretted any thing I tried for I learnt some thing useful from all of them . Perseverance 1

MY UNDERSTANDING

                     Yesterday I talked about my understanding of spirituality which may not be much at all ,because I not that all that much in to it . The one thing that made more since than any thing is the Four Noble Truths .
         First of which the existence of suffering . We all experience some kind of suffering in our lives .If we didn't we would be lying . We suffer in some kind of way every day .
        Second truth is the cause or suffering . We all will recognize what causes our suffering . How could you not know what the cause of your suffering is . For every action there an equal or greater reaction .
         Third truth is the end of suffering . All suffering will come to and in one way or other .  Through understanding this we can find the way to end our suffering . Through enlightenment will bring us an understanding these truths .
         The fourth truth is the eight fold path . It is the way we must travel in this life to bring about an end to suffering . It is not an easy path . I know that I may not have solidly on the path but I do not think I strayed to far of the path.
It is The right understanding ; Right thought ; Right speech ;Right action ; Right livelihood :Right effort ; Right mindfulness ; Right concentration .
           As you can see this is a difficult way to follow . But it all some how makes perfectly good sense to me  . I always some how keep coming back to this in some way . I always at some point pick up a book to remind my self of this over the last 36 years of my life . It seems to be as often as I refresh my mind to the bible . Again I say I am not that much of a spiritual person , but do have some understanding of it . I just do not do the blind faith thing . I will not believe just because I am told to do so to save my soul . I think you have to feel it . Right now don' t feel it , but I now some thing exists that lent hand in aligning all the stars and life in this universe . We are no cosmic accident .

UNDERSTANDING

                My first introduction to the Four Noble Truths was when I worked at a Girl Scout Camp in southern Michigan . One of the camp counselors loaned me a book to read . Siddhartha , it was one of those books that I could not put down till it was finished . It is about Siddhartha Gautama's life and his transition to Buddha . At the time I enjoyed the book and it kind of made some since to me . Little did I know that it would not be the first time would be exposed to his teachings .
                 At the end of that summer that same counselor gave me a copy of Be Here Now by Ram Dass { Dr. Richard Alpert ,PHD. } .  Since that summer I have always managed to keep a copy in my library . I understand that it was considered a counter culture bible . To me it was some thing that I read every so often throughout my life that kind of gave me a spiritual awaking usually when I needed the most . Right now let just say that I not that much of a spiritual person . As I have stated before I not religious in any way . I do believe all that we see is not some cosmic accident some thing had to lend a hand in aligning all that it took to create this vast universe and all that lives in it. I was raised a catholic but I never really grasped an understanding of the concept of faith in the trilogy . By far though I was able to understand the Four Noble Truths . It just plain made since to me .
                 I never really immersed my self in the teachings but often went back to to it and kept in my thought . I believe I tried my best to live by them . If you ever read them you will see that it can be a difficult path to follow . I also at times found my self immersing in the bible too . Even attending services regularly and going to bible studies . But I just could never see see myself as a serious believer .Some how it just seemed fake to me .I do at times give all this some serious thought for a time . As such as I am doing right now . I do not fault people for their believes , because that's what fits them , but I am still trying to seek out my fit . I expect people to respect my thoughts on this . What can turn me away from any discussions on the topic is when some starts sounding like a used car sales man trying to sell me a junker . If you what to talk ideas not gloom and doom  becuase ii don't beleive as you do , I am all for it .

GOOD ENOUGH FOR GOVERNMENT WORK

                        While at work have you heard some one say "Good enough for government work " . Well I have for years ; heck I may have said that often myself .Well last night while I was at work I gave it a little thought . That statement implies less than perfect but enough to get by . If I am wrong in assuming this please some one let me know .
                      Now to my point ; Okay if that's case do we really want government to get larger . More regulations ; more bureaucracy ; more levels of red tape . Do we want to add more employees doing less than what is expected . If the government were a business it would be bleeding red ink on the accounts . Oh wait it is .
                This attitude is probably a big part of the problem .Numbers of people wasting time and money doing the same thing over and over and making the same mistakes all the time .These are the people handling our taxes . You see it all the time along our nations roads . One in the ditch doing the work there or four leaning on shovels watching . I know at one time I was the the guy in the ditch . Now think for a moment with government taking over our health care will we run in to this mentality there too. do you want this handling your health care let alone your child's . With our ever expanding government where else would this going on .
                 That's why the private sector probably do better at many of the functions of government . So why are we in a hurry to let the government take over so many parts of our lives . Do you really want to spend most of your time in a government office at a counter staring at some one acting like they are doing you a favour . Think about it .

WORKING ON THE FARM

                   Dad was still in the navy when he moved us to Michigan , but he still bought a house and moved us in while he finished his time in before he retired .The farmer up the road noticed us boys in the yard a while after we moved in . His wife first came down and asked our parents if it was alright for us to mow their yard . Which it was okay for us to do so .  This went on for a while before the son noticed us .
                   At that time this was the way things were done . It may still may be so I am not sure . Back to my story the son came over to the house when my dad was home on one of his passes . They stood out there talking for a while but later on that day my dad told to be ready to go to work for J.M. tomorrow . Well the next day we got up early and got dresses some old jeans ,shirt and some work boots . J.M. came by that mourning in an old International Pick Up . Let tell first about J.M. he was a big man . Tall and a big build lots of muscles .He had a deep voice with lots of base in it ; as a man his size would . As in the case with most mid west farmers he did not talk much . But when spoke you listened . Turned out he was a teacher at a near by school and wrestling coach ,which explains one reason for his size .
                Well when got to the barn he explained what he needed us to do . Then that big man got up on the tractor before he started it he said one thing that stuck to me through most of my life . It the one statement the was the core of my work ethic the rest of my life . It took a lot of meaning because of his size up on that tractor and with that base in his voice .  He said " IF I HAVE TO GET OF THIS TRACTOR YOUR GOING HOME ! " . I will have you he never ever got of that tractor during all those years I worked for him .

BURNING UP THE AIR

              Imagine this if you will ;your at home listening to your favorite music . You get to rock it hard and building up some steam . Man ; its  just feeling so good . Let me stop here and ask you all a question .
            When are you to old to really rock out . You know pull out all those jammin tunes that got you going in your youth . Like when you were cruising the main boulevard in town with that radio or eight track blaring with a car load of buddy's . You get your head bobbing with the long hair you use to have before you started losing it , flailing all over . Check out the chicks as you go down the streets . Then that one song comes on that makes you forget everything and you just have to stop and listen to it .
                      What I am wondering is there ever a time when your to old pull that dusty air guitar out of the closet and wail on it like it the last time . You stand if in front of a mirror and look out and your mind there is a crowd of thousands out there . You may even get that voice of yours going . even though it cracks a little and may be of key . You may not even remember all the words but you do it any way . You do this till you may build up a sweat and just feels so good ,you just lost in it . All since time is lost right then .
                       Now tell me am I the only one that suffers from this . Or am I just being juvenile . Please tell me I am not crazy, because I find my self getting lost in my music like this . And when I am done I feel such a relief . So next time you here some Rock and Roll playing loud like its meant to be ; I may have pulled out my air guitar and imaginary mike and burning up some air .

FALL

           Fall its a wonderful time of year . Many things happen at this time of year . One that is foremost in many of memories is it marked the beginning of many things ; the school year ; football season ; first year of college ; for the rural areas a time of harvest and my favorite fresh apple cider is in season .It also marks the the time year to harvest the grapes to make the next vintage of wine . Fall represents so many things to many people .
          When I was in Boy Scouts it was the prime camping season leading right up to the first fall of snow .I remember going out to take my dog for walks and play ;I could tell she loved this time year also .Another big thing about fall was the home made relishes ,pickles ,jams and don't forget about the pies .
                     One great thing about fall was the Sunday drives to check out the changing color's of leaves from the forests among the the farm houses and barns in the country side . Do not leave the the aroma's the emerged from the farm's with live stock . It was all part of the experience . As you drive through these area's you may stop at a farmers market . With all their vegetables some common ; you know the ones you would at the grocery store every day . Then there were the not so ordinary vegetables that you would see . Oh yes the jars of honey , molasses and preserves so varied to the region you were in . You might take a walk in a pumpkin field to pick the one you will carve for Halloween .Their may be a hayride involved in it with hot apple cider and powdered doughnuts afterward .
              There is so much that goes on in the fall , the watch party for that big college game ; for me its the Wolverines vs the Buckeyes .GO WOLVERINES ! Some of these games have become such a tradition every thing stops on the day of the game . Oh do not forget our high school homecoming games .
           Yes ; the fall represents a change but its a festive one that is to be celebrated .

OH THE STORY'S THAT COULD BE TOLD

                    Oh I wonder ! Take for  instance ; the executive washroom in some high rise office building . Maybe one in some high security buildings restroom . Definitely the ladies room at some restroom in a restaurant or night club . They don't go there in groups for no reason , How about the court room drama the may played out in the courthouse restroom . Only if the walls or rather stalls could talk , the stories that could be told .
                   For one it's the most honest room any where . There is only one reason that you are in there . You are also at the most vulnerable while in there . You tend to let your guard down when there . It can be become an embarrassing moment also .
                 Imagine you have gone back in time and your a Roman Senator in the public restroom at the senate . The discussions that could have taken place over governmental theory and philosophy .Or how a restroom attendant in some fine restaurant or hotel , the drama that may have unfolded before his eyes .
                What kind of conversations takes place in there ; that you could not discuss with your group or anywhere else for that matter .Could there be a novel there ;' A Day In The Life ". Oh I wonder !So go ahead as they say the door is always open .

GETTING STARTED ON THE DREAM

                     I recently confided in this blog a long time and forgotten dream . I thought about it over night and I realize I have a problem . I believe in my writings yesterday that I have set for my self high bar to go  by . This don't mean I want to lower my standard ; it just means I will have to work harder on it .
                  Right now the biggest thing is where do you get started and find inspiration . Where do I find a story that is worth being considered to be that Great American Novel . Do I wait for it to find me . Do I just keep getting my practice writing this blog till the story finds me ,much in the way the idea for this blog found me .How do recognize that story as that novel that I looking to for . When it finds me how do I get started on it . Should I just go and live my my life as I always have .Yet at the same time watch the world evolve around me .All the while study the people around me as I travel though my daily life . You know I have never given this much thought in the past . I think at times I just went blindly through motions of my life .
                 Yes I have many memories of my life ;yet really did not give much notice to the details . Heck most of the time I was just in the moment . Just living the experience not really giving much thought to looking back . Never thinking that I might want to use the experience for some thing in the future . Which I think many of us do in our life . Some of the the experiences I probably was just glad I got through it . So should I consciously be looking for that Great American Novel . Or should I just continue with the day dream and just let it come to me one day . I am afraid that if I try to hard to find it in me that I may miss the mark . Well I believe I will just keep on living and let it find me . When that time comes you know where you will find me , In front of this laptop ,tapping the the keys as it pours from the end of my fingers as they touch the keys .

THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL

                   Through the years I often thought about writing that great American novel about my travels and adventures . The thought first came to me on one of the many nights I stayed up late and watched those old movies on the late shows with my mom . Watching movies like The Snows of Kilimanjaro and many other classics like it .
                When I read my first book by Ernest Hemingway or even Leon Uris . I even day dreamed about it more . But as I got older I dreamed about it less . We all would like to think we have that one great novel in us . Or was it the life style that they had that intrigued me . The deep sea fishing , The safari's or even just the world travel that they did in the coarse of their of their lives . All the things through their life they became involved with . I would see pictures of Ernest Hemingway in life magazine , him on his boat with a fishing pole in hand in the keys or the one of him sitting at a table in some cafe some where with a drink hand . I would think man that is the life for me .Of coarse that never came to be .
             We don't live those times but with the kind of things going on in the world I suppose that one great novel is just sitting and waiting for some one to write that classic novel that could dare to sit on the shelve next to the greats .Shoot some one could be writing it right now . You know a story full of adventure , intrigue , about life and full of the romance that surrounds and weaves in and out of the story . At the same time telling you how to live and love life to the fullest . A narrative of sorts .The kind of story that grabs you and will not let you put it down till you done . When your finished you just want to live in that moment , because you felt some kind of attachment to the story and the people in it . You just felt like you were a part of the story . Now that's the kind of novel I day dreamed of . I do not know why I all of sudden thought of it now . Kind of wierd isn't though .

BAD HAIR DAYS

                  I have more than my share of bad hair days . I admit some days I do look a little bit rough . Some times it because I was rather hurried , but others its a reflection of how I am feeling that day . There are times its a case of do have to do this . I just go through the motions of the day . I put myself on automatic pilot ,I just let the day happen . 

                   I find that if I spend little bit of time on making myself ready to go out in public ; I will feel better about myself and the day ahead of me . I find that everyday must work on get myself ready . I have to cut out the shortcuts and cutting corners . I noticed that if I start my day like that my day will be like that the whole day .

                  If you pay attention to details from the start , you will pay attention to them through out .Part of my problem comes from the snooze button on the alarm clock . I am very guilty of using it a little much . I am very surprised I have not wore it out . Sometimes I have wrestling matches with my bed . There times I swore I would lose . I manage to get up though when smell that coffee brewing . 

                 I really do need that extra hour to get ready for the day .Just much as I need the extra time I take to get too where I am going . It gives me time to get my mind right . I just do not like to be rushed through the day . It all contributes to a bad hair day . Its all so true that when your hair looks good you feel better.When your feel better about your self , you do better at all things .

                  Its amazing that the small details make all the difference in the world .People will tend to have better impressions of your when your hair looks good . We are visual creatures , what we see has a lot do with how we treat others . Weather you have a good hair day or bad hair day affects your successes of the day . Spend that extra time in the mirror and show your self some love .If you love what you see , others will too . 

              So leave that snooze button alone , get that needed cup coffee ,the extra time in the mourning to get your mind right .Show your self  some love while getting ready . Get good look at your self in the mirror , If you like what your see ; your ready the day ahead of you .

THE FIRST ONE IS THE BOOKS

                  Well it's all said and done , first debate is in the books  From what I see this one became a game changer . Mitt Romney came out ready and  President Obama seemed lost without his teleprompter . The one thing that is for sure the people who already have their minds made up their minds are not going to change them because of just one debate , and may never change their minds . This all about the undecideds and those sitting on the fence .
                  It was clear Mitt new his platform , and expressed it . He in my mind defined his stance . Yes ,it may be what we need a business man not a speech reader . He had four years to work on his promises and yet he has yet to make a dent in them . We still have a unemployment problem , rampant government spending , and definitely no transparency in government .
                How can you vote on something and pass it without reading it to see what it has in it . You in your personal life will not sign a contract or lease without knowing whats in it or knowing what your getting . That was Obama's biggest achievement of his last term other than Osama Bin Laden's death . Which he really had not much to do with because of our military's perseverance and professionalism ; they got the job done . If it had not been for the ground work done over the last ten years or so . He just happened to be in office when it happened .
              A lot of my questions have been answered and the details were defined . So our job as citizen's is to pay attention to how their campaign and how they will react to tonight . While remembering that their spin masters will do their best to make their candidate look his best . As I can see our job as voters has became a little easier . With voting day a month away they will tell on themselves and show us who will be the clear choice . We will be watching .

SIDE BY SIDE

              Tonight we get see Mitt and Obama side by side on the same stage . This night will show their differences in less than an hour . I don't know about you I will be watch this closely tonight it may be what helps make up my mind on whom vote for .
             They need to show the case that they are the ones to carry us forward in the next four years . Our country's future depends on it . The one who present them selves as the one for the job .
               What want to hear is how they are going to get results . I want details not generalizations , clear understandable statements . NONE OF THIS POLITICAL DOUBLE SPEAK !
               I want to see some honest statements and clear discussion on the issue at hand . JOBS JOBS ECONOMY AND SKY ROCKETING TAXES MOST OF ALL A BUDGET.Which we have not had in some time now . This is their interview .
               With in minutes after there will be the annalist going over every word , gesture , facial expression and pause ; till we get so over come with it till we tune them out .I will be watching with great interest . Will you be watching .

MAKING YOURSELF HAPPY

              Making yourself happy at times is not as easy as it seems . It may be as easy as that mourning cup of coffee or it may be not accessible at all . You may not even know what it will take . When you are happy you can lose that happiness in a moment .
                In the times that we now live in , where jobs are hard to come by ; rising prices and high taxes ,we have find it where we can . No matter how little or brief it may be . I admit that things for me are not as good as I would like . I have claim the minor pleasures such as cup of coffee or some good Rock and Roll .
               Many of us have our own ways of finding happiness . Be it that afternoon stroll or a hard workout at the gym . Whatever it is it must relieve the daily stress in life and make you feel better . After all that's what all about , enjoying life in  some way .
              I find that walks , listening to good music and definitely a good meal at times is all it takes . Other times simply by immersing myself in some hard work or some seclusion helps .There many to make it happen , not all works on every occasion . It depends on your state of mind ,where you perceive your at in life.
              We all have to accept the little victories where we can . Happiness is only in the eyes of the beholder . We all must find it in our own way in our own time . Make a little of it every day .

THE SANDWICH

                      The sandwich is a big part of growing up .When we are little people the epitome of fine cuisine was the peanut butter and jelly sandwich . As we grew up our tastes in sandwiches changed . We experimented with different combinations , as we got older .
              In comes the cold cuts ,tomatoes , onions , lettuce and various toppings . Growing up I tried many different combinations . The biggest sandwich day was far Saturday . The reasons being , no school , cartoons on TV ,and college football . The biggest inspiration for sandwich experimentation was by far my dad and the cartoon strip Dagwood with his towering sandwiches he routinely made . That's when I started looking for my perfect creation . Oh the messes we use to make in the kitchen , yes Mom would get angry over them .
              There were the sandwiches made with the left overs . Any left overs in the fridge was far game . My Dads baked bean sandwich turned out to be a favorite .Another concoction was the peanut butter ,  marshmallow cream  and banana sandwich . Which led to disagreements on how to best slice the banana .The best sandwiches were by far though were made with various cold cuts and the stuff grown in our garden  , also far was the best was the relishes and pickles mom made in our kitchen . Then there was dads home made horseradish ,that was grown in the garden .
               The sandwich is an important part of Saturdays , along with cartoons and college football . Topped of with your favorite drink be it a tall ice cold glass of milk or fresh apple cider when in season . The perfect sandwich is just a matter of personal choices . The sandwiches are as different as the people whom are eating them . So go ahead and dare to be different , its your sandwich .